Not knowing everything

There are some times when you don’t know what to do. You may know what you should do, you may know what you should avoid doing, but you don’t know what you really want. You have choices from both extremes that pull each other from both ends and you just can’t stay calm with a firm resolution. You know what you are going to lose with either choice you make. But you just don’t want to lose anything and this aversion just put you in a perpetual confusion state. It’s so hard to find a balanced middle ground sometimes that really boggle the mind. I don’t know whether it can be called a greedy state of mind when you want to hold everything you deeply care about. Sometimes the thing that you want so much and even when you think that you truly deserve to have it, there happens to come more obstacle in getting to reach that thing. At some point, you want to give up but then the emotions attached to all your efforts can’t help you let leave from the desire of acquiring that thing. This constant self-conflict can be tremendously hard to break out from. It’s scary how circularly you can revolve round and round the same black sphere which gradually sucks out all of your energy.