The Mississippi call

Beside the flowing Mississippi
The sounds of cricket
The warm sunlight
My sweaty red T-shirt
The gentle soothing wind
My dirty white shoes
The “zhikzhik zhikzhik” sound of the rail truck
The hooshing sound from the passing cars
Above the bridge
The dock with empty white boats
The two speedboats
One with a girl and one with a boy
The girl jumping on the other boat and their speedy departure
The green leaves
This not so clean footpath
This big pyramidlike modern architecture on one side
And this old unmanaged bushes on the other side
The memory with my screaming with my mom in the morning
The feeling of unfulfillment in my gut
The despair and the long breathing in my heart
My unresolved love with my ex
This messy bushes reminding me the desire to live
But the constant struggle with the fear of being not enough
The simultaneous desire to live and decease
The desire to leave the ego behind
The desire to fly away from the horrors in my mind
And the cheroky Indian girl from last night
And her naked body with a pair of glasses in her shy eyes
The lonely left out bird
And the black lamppost
And the lady collecting whatsoever from the river
All the mess
And this walking
And this losing
And this desire to be loved.

#poem
#travel

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Immortal

I gave them the gun,

And they dropped me dead.

My eyes were wide and open

To see the void of affection in their face.

The short interval between

The triggering and the bullet reaching my heart

Cut all the ties and kill everything vague;

Between that very moment

And all that is rest.

 

I wonder how easy it is to be swept away

from the brightness to the jungle of nothingness.

Time is a puzzle that I still can’t solve.

It comes, it swerves, it slides;

It twists and then it vanishes

From my inside and out.

 

I remember those wild nights

That made me brave;

Just when the bullet was touching me

To drop me dead.

I realized only then my fate,

But I’ll live forever

In the air and in the ears

I can bet.

 

 

Picture source: Immortal Knight by Rassouli from http://www.avatarfinearts.com/Rassouli-Gallery/Surrealism-Art/Symbolic-Surrealist-painting-of-Knights-on-Horse.html

Drink me

As if that obviousness wasn’t enough!

From far, it still looked like a shadow,

Some doubts thus still lingered,

On your lips there’s no answer yet.

Couldn’t those moments be bit more expressive?

If those clouds wouldn’t hide anything!

What more there to be naked?

It can’t be more both calm and restless and therefore inviting.

Let’s not let it be dry,

‘Coz you can always catch and stop time.

Or you can choose to fly like a butterfly often with no intention.

To lose can’t be a sin.

We’d rather embrace and sweat with our yearnings.

This mystery and you, here I breathe,

A little inception in the now is what I only long for.

The deep urge of this urgency can be welcomed.

Then take a shower in the drops of uneasiness.

And curl me inside with your legs.

More incidents will not precipitate more love.

It’s impossible to find discontinuity with an open eye.

And I won’t stop drinking you.

 

Image source: Google images.

Being touched in the heart

I recently got introduced to turkish music by a friend. Some of the songs are really good. For me, lyrics are important and that’s why if I like the music of a song, I naturally look up whether a translation exists or ask a friend who knows the meaning of the words. There’s these two artists I like now – one is “Pinhani” and “Emre Ayden“. Their voice really touches my heart. I would like to share Pinhani’s “Nehirler Durmaz”.

Birazdan güneş doğacak
Sun will rise soon

Açacak çiçek sana sormadan

The flower will bloom without asking you

Birazdan gün başlayacak

The day will start soon

Saatin çalacak hiç utanmadan

Your clock will go off without shame

Oysa sen bir nehirsin

But you are a river

Ve nehirler durmaz

And rivers don’t stop

Kavuşur bir an önce sevdiğine

They rejoin with the one they love

Asla geç kalmaz

They are never late

İstesen gelebilirsin

If you want, you can come

Yola çıkmadan olmaz

Not before to hitting road

Sabah olmadan gelsen bile

Even if you come before morning

Ellerim sen olmadan ısınmaz

My hands can’t warm without you

Birazdan gece son bulacak

The night will be end soon

Kaçacak uykun ardına bakmadan

You’ll lose your sleep without looking back

Birazdan yollar dolacak

The roads will be crowded soon

This song includes all these natural scenes that take me to these beautiful places where I can imagine to walk, even touch and feel content. How the river is used as a metaphor is also quite interesting, how the flow of water diverges, converges makes me roll in to the deep – that quite fits into how a life goes by I assume.

And the next song is Emre Aydin‘s “Ses Ver”.

Duvarlar ördüm, köprüler yıktım
I put up walls, pull down bridges

Döndüm bir baktım, hiçbir şeyi unutmamışım

I looked back, I haven’t forgotten anything

Eğer her şey bitiyorsa bitsin artık yokluğunda

If everything ends let it already end in your abscence

Eğer her şey bitiyorsa, beni bırakma burada

If everything ends, don’t leave me here

Çocuklar toplanıp gittiler

The children came together and went away from my soul

Dünle unutmak arasındayım şimdi

Now, I’m between yesterday and forgetting

Sen yoksun inan, bir tek sen lazımken

Believe me, you are absent when all I need you

Bir ses ver, yapma, burada bırakma bizi

Give out a sound, don’t, don’t leave a mark

Çocuklar toplanıp gittiler içimden

The kids came together and went away from my soul

Dünle unutmak arasındayım şimdi

Now, I’m between yesterday and forgetting

Sen yoksun inan, bir tek sen lazımken

Believe me, you are absent when all I need you

Bir ses ver, yapma, burada bırakma bizi

Give out a sound, don’t, don’t leave a mark

ses ver

Give out a sound

ses ver

Give out a sound

Yeminler ettim ve çok konuştum

I swore, I talked a lot of

Döndüm bir baktım, hiçbir şey söylememişim

I looked back, I haven’t said anything

Eğer her şey bitiyorsa bitsin artık yokluğunda

If everything ends let it already end in your abscence

I like the poetry in these two songs. The remembering, the forgetting, the presence, the absence all make sense to me in quite a vivid way. “If everything ends let it already end in your abscence”- it may be the absence of a person – a loved one, but I can treat it also as the absence of something more abstract or materialistic that used to be close, that used to be a part of myself. Just giving out a sound, coz inside it’s so chaotic that you sometimes feel not to express, but you should shout. Looking back, you could have done otherwise, everything shall pass.

I also like some turkish rap. I think Ceza is probably the most popular and I like the song “Suspus”.

Göz gözü görmüyor hep pus
No one can see each others, it’s all haze

Takipteler ses etme sus

They’re following, don’t make sound, shush

Bir vakit donmuştu beynim

My brain has freezed once

Düzlükteyken bitmiş seyrim

My journey has ended on the level

Göz gözü görmüyor hep pus

No one can see each others, it’s all haze

Takipteler ses etme sus

They’re following, don’t make sound, shush

Durma git enerjini kus

Go ahead and discharge your energy

Zaten çok soğuk etraf buz

It is already too cold, freezing

Hiç yalan der misin a ah

Do you tell lies? no..

Pek dert dinler misin a ah

Do you listen to others troubles? no..

Ya bayat yer misin a ah

Do you eat stale? no..

İnsan seçer misin a ah

Do you discriminate people? no..

Dikkatli izlersen anlarsın haklı megatron

If you pay attention, you’ll see that Megatron is right

Bende ghillie kevlar-mythril, sende sade bir kat krom

I have a Ghillie Kevlar-mythril, you have only one layer of chromium

Zaten tekim, çıplak gezsem n’olur, her gün dekatlon

I’m a lone ranger, what happens if I walk naked, everyday is another decathlon

Hep dikenli tel etrafımda, kendi kendimeyim her gün sor bir

Barbed wire all around me, I’m on my own everyday, ask me one time

Hep diken diken gel bir gör

It’s all barb, come and see one time

Tıkandı kaldı bak her bir form

Look, every form is choked up

Kırıntıların arasında kaldım, adı konsun artık

I stayed between crumbs, it needs a name now

Hadi konsomatrisim ol, her sokakta beni bulmak zor

Let’s be my B-girl, it’s hard to find me in every on streets

Sıkılanlardan mısın ya da ıkınanlardan mısın?

Are you from the bored ones or stretched ones?

Kulağına dandik müzik takılanlardansın

You are from the ones wear dud music in their ears.

Ama kusura bakma yapılacak hiçbir şey yok

Sorry but there’s nothing to do.

Hızlı söyleyen ben değilim yavaş dinleyen sizlersiniz hep

I’m not fast, you are the one listening too slow always

Yavaş söylesem anlayacakmış gibi konuşuyor, şuna baksana kek

Look at that fool, he is talking like he’d understand if I speak slowly

Altına bez, al sana test, iki kere iki Ceza eder net

Here a napkin for you, here a test for you, two times two equal Ceza, yes

Birikiminiz ile bir bardak bile dolmaz, öğrenebildin mi veled?

Your savings cannot fill up even a glass, haven’t you learnt that, you brat?

Rap harekettir ve de politiktir

Rap is the motion and it is political

Bunu hazmedemiyor isen hassiktir

Fuck off, if you can’t swallow it

Duvarda hit-list, çoğunuz misfit

On the wall hit-list, many of you are misfits

Karalarım her yeri sen gene hit this

I scratch everywhere, you is again “hit this”

Bilmiyorsan sus, yaralara tuz bas, karalara ayak ile herkese

Shut up if you don’t know, press salt in the wounds,

Kumpas kur bak, uzaktan head shot.Zaten…

Machinate to everyone, look, head shot from far away. Already

Göz gözü görmüyor hep pus

No one can see each others, it’s all haze

Takipteler ses etme sus

They’re following, don’t make sound, shush

Bir vakit donmuştu beynim

My brain has freezed once

Düzlükteyken bitmiş seyrim

My journey has ended on the level

Göz gözü görmüyor hep pus

No one can see each others, it’s all haze

Takipteler ses etme sus

They’re following, don’t make sound, shush

Ceza’s voice in this song gives me strength. I think this song talks about the fuzzy nature in our society where we are all shielded, confused about our journey of life. But in the end, he recommends to say “Fuck off” to all bullshits because every form is choked up and you should discharge everything you got.

 

There you go

There you go again, again the quest for searching places you can merge.

You can’t stop climbing the walls because you want to see the other side

All the dreams you are unsure of and all the reflections you want to absorb.

No wander why you can’t avoid the surge of your desires.

Not that all you can understand in this short span of life,

But don’t quit trying to make sense of everything that interests you.

When the rainbow and it’s color are all over in that cloudy sky,

You want to walk, you want to walk endlessly, incessantly.