It’s not that difficult to see how illusory everything is. If self itself is an illusion, then everything created by that self is also an illusion. Ego! It’s an identity created by all the neural connectivity the brain experiences over time with the physical body participating in all the real events it had in its scope in its lifetime. If the physical self wouldn’t experience certain things, wouldn’t have participated in specific life events, the experiences of the brain would be different and so is the ego and so is the self. So, I, as a whole, is just one of the billions of others I could have become. But I am too attached to my own identity. Everyone is. And one can argue that for the style of life in a communal society, you don’t have much choice. If everyday when you wake up, you could start a new you wanting to erase all the past you, you wouldn’t be accepted. Not that you need to care! But.. again.. If you wear costume and change your outlook every morning so that no one can identify you, then you don’t exist in the eyes of others. But you do exist. But the problem is you start questioning your own existence. Because you are confused with multiple identities in yourself and so the others around you give you the perspective about what you mostly are. At least in general sense. I am not saying that it’s not possible to identify yourself without other human minds and their opinions. You may not need another human being, but you need this world, the air, the sky where you are contained to feel your existence. That means you understand yourself from an external towards an internal process, not an internal towards an external process. I will argue the later is almost impossible. Let me elucidate – When you are sleeping at night, if you are not dreaming or at least if you don’t recall dreaming, you are breathing, everything outside you is still going on, somebody is drinking, somebody is writing song or poetry, somebody is fucking hard or moaning or screaming, somebody is crying, somebody is laughing his ass off, somebody is just looking at the night sky, but you are not experiencing those, you are just not a part of those stories, so those don’t add anything to yourself, for you those are unreal, so your reality is only constructed when you are conscious about what’s going on. That’s why you can not feel your existence when you are unaware. That means all these going on surrounding you give you the perspective of your own existence. Anyway, I digress. Realizing that everything is relative can help us not to attach too much to certain things. Pain, dissatisfaction can be very hard to deal with. It’s because we feel extreme attachment with those memories. We feel like our selves have been wounded, damaged by those experiences, by those failures. Joy, satisfaction are also similar. One can argue that if you don’t have such attachment, then you will feel neither joy nor sadness. And that’s entirely true. You need some attachment to feel. I never said that the illusion is not important. The illusion is important for you to feel, for you to be a human being. But you don’t need to disagree with the fact that it’s an illusion. You, again, just sometimes need to realize that these are illusion. At least it helps when you are crippled with something inside your mind and sometimes when your own self, your own ego hurts you. And may be when you are against your self. You may question – then what’s the point? Where is the value of yourself? What’s the purpose? I don’t know the most philosophically accepted answer. But for me, you need those for you to continue, for you to be a productive member of your community. You just need to keep going till you expire. So, you can come up with your own answers. You can take answers from those who pondered a lot on those. Or you can be totally oblivious about all these questions and keep on living, eating, shitting and fucking and if you are smart, making some contribution so that others can keep on doing those a little bit longer than they would if you wouldn’t give a shit. Well, is this a pessimistic view about life? May be it is! I could do some euphemism and could come up with some optimistic one. That I often do. Optimism sometimes helps, pessimism sometimes helps. Hey! You need both calmness and anger. All you need just to go on. May be some options are better because they are less chaotic. But this time, let it be this way. If your surrounding, whatever achievements, whatsoever human connections, your religion, your ideology can answer your questions, help you to keep walking and persevering, then have them. But some are false, some are half false, some are true and you should not burden with your realization on someone else. And importantly again, realize that it’s all illusion and keep on acting.
It’s never tiring to explore new things. All you need is to change your perspective, widen your horizon, reach outwards, toss out your fear for unknowns. Inquiring into the unknown may be daunting, but the effort you make always brings the fruit. It sometimes is tremendously hard to leave the shoes that you were wearing for long long time. There is no doubt that you have legitimate reasons to keep your old shoes on and try to keep yourself in your comfort zone. But the truth is none of your comfort zones are really perpetual which can accommodate you forever safely. It takes mere hours to lose your seemingly unassailable habitat that you might have built for years. There is no lack of catastrophe in this beautiful but dangerous world. The more you are reluctant to increase the breadth of your life, the more you are prone to make yourself vulnerable. It takes quite a bit of learning how you truly reach even to the person you meet everyday, how you open your mind to different possibilities. It may be our cognitive deficiency that we feel scared when we are uncertain. But look around, does anything look certain to you? Then this constant desire for certainty is probably the wrong way of approaching towards life. Preparation for uncertainty has its fundamental requirement of challenging your ideas and being persuasive enough to experience everything that is obscure. Learning how to navigate through the whirling winds in your life require courage and you can garner the raw materials that give birth to an intrepid heart by being adventurous. Have you noticed in the phenomenal Tom & Jerry cartoon where Tom sometimes is running desperately and then cross the edge of a high place and run on literally nothing underneath his feet? But interestingly he doesn’t fall until he looks downward and suddenly finds no ground beneath his feet. I think first of all you try to avoid crossing an edge unless you are pushed enough and secondly even if you decide to cross, you should not look down. You need to learn to obtain the skill of retaining your valor to deal the unusual. You may gain some invisible force that will allow you to cross if you don’t let your mind be boggled by the vacuum. Because there will soon be something to fill you and let you fly. You may not have some real wings but you can definitely grow some temporary ones and enter into the synthetic reality to navigate the gloomy verisimilitude. I know we get tired when we see everything worth gaining is expensive and demand a great deal of effort. It’s not that we don’t try but we get tired and alarmed due to the failures we experience. Sometimes it feels like everything around is structured to diminish your spirit but that’s the pessimism spiral you should try to get out of. It takes time to be inspired, it takes positive events to occur in all the negative randomness we are submerged with. But hope it is and dream it is that should keep us alive and I am not frightened to dare the darkness. Are you?