The point

“What is the point of it all?” It’s kind of an ironic question, it’s a foolish question.

Herbert Fingarette (20 January 1921 – 2 November 2018) was an American philosopher and emeritus professor of philosophy at the University of California, Santa Barbara who once argued that there was no reason to fear death. At 97, his own mortality began to haunt him, and he had to rethink everything.

We have invented so many things like the big G, like those pursuit of happiness as nothing can fill the void this question creates. This is where the utility of belief in afterlife comes into action, because all of a sudden, if you believe in a rewarding or punishing after life, then a believer’s meaning of life is to optimize his or her chance of getting reward instead of getting punishment. Suddenly life has a goal! What a great invention! What a great utility of fictions!

But I guess we make a mistake when we connect these two notions: “(a) There’s no point of life if I am eventually going to die” to —> “(b) Then there’s no point of doing anything to enjoy my moments and try to make my future moments”.

Yes, “You are going to die if you jump off that bridge”. Yes, “you are going to lose your mind a bit after you finish that whiskey or do drugs”. Yes, “you are going to piss off your mom or your friends if you become the same annoying and judgmental you are.”

So, the next moments do depend on what you do in this moment. Therefore, it is possible to ensure your next moments to be pleasurable or insufferable.
But yet, if we look back, we realize we made most of our moments to be insufferable. We acknowledge most of it seem to be outside of our hands.
But should that be the reason to give up, ay?

And is striving to live life better and challenging your own self and realigning therefore the pursuit?

Of course, there are many points in experiencing and creating our moments like getting that first job, falling in love, reminiscing that last goodbye, sending letters of love, protesting against injustice.

But most of points are ultimately only valid for yourself, not for anyone or anything else. Only you can value your moment after all. You are the only judge of yourself after all.

Death lets you identify the value of life. Life is the day and death is the night, in the long run. We are just a fly in the ocean of time and you only live in the NOW, not an waking moment before, not an waking moment later. But you can create a heaven or a hell with the way you think about your moments.

All you need is to just live

Every waking moment, we are experiencing. It is so obvious but it still takes a little stepping back to recognize. When I am conscious, my consciousness is filled with thoughts of various colors. We are all so colorful inside if we can assign a different color to each of the different emotion that we experience. We don’t feel the same way and that’s what makes the difference; because each of us had different experiences through our senses in a unique path in the environment. It’s like different colored, different sized bubbles in an open shared space. Each of us is like a bubble that expands, that pops. Bubbles collide with each other, merge, crash. It’s constantly changing. As long as the mind is active, it continues to interpret in its own way. In the physical world, we need a few requirements to survive. But on top of our physical reality, we created the emotional reality that we don’t really understand properly. All the accumulated genetic, environmental memories imprinted in our bodies and minds may be a little too much to grasp all at once. But ultimately all of it make who I am, who you are, who they are. It doesn’t require to understand every single thing to live, just like it doesn’t require to notice every single object on a road to navigate through the road. There are no ends of knowing. So, the quest of knowing ultimately becomes narrow based on what you are seeking for.

I just realize every day how integral love is to our existence. This intense emotion that we receive the moment we are born from our mother, we never stop seeking it. Of course in our own way, we have our own understanding of what love means to us. You probably have all heard about Freud. Basically, all he is saying is that the portion of our conscious mind that we are in control of or we think we control is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a huge hidden body under the surface of the water that is invisible. The unconscious mind is that huge hidden body that constructs the emotional network inside us, that in turn make us feel in a certain way in a certain moment and make us do actions. Because it is quite unfathomable, we remain a mystery to our own selves. And I guess we would probably not enjoy knowing everything either. But the seeking to dig deeper, get wetter with our emotional fuel should be welcomed.

Desire. The desire to be loved, desire to be seen, desire to be respected, desire to be visible, the constant changes in our desires. Where do all these desires come from? Sometimes I ask whether I can live without desires. Maybe I could if I didn’t have a physical body which wants food, sex, cravings to be touched, longings to be exhibited in a preferential way. Who am I talking to right now? Is there a listener within me that I am talking to, is there a reader within me I am writing to? I recognize all these entities need not be isolated. Maybe they are all one constructing the self that I can recognize and call “me”. Or maybe not as I can’t really explain all the unconscious processes inside me.

My problems are very simple to understand. I need food, I need sex, I need love. And that’s why I work. But I am uncomfortable when I don’t get them the way I want. But it’s so easy to see why I can never get them the way I want. And when I realize that my problems vanish. But sometimes I am just blind, and sometimes I am just stubborn and try not to see.

About 30 years. So many days I have lived. Why does it need to be so complex to live the next day? It’s not that different after all. It is just not complex at all. All you need is to just live.0001464_just-live