You and I – 2

You and I – 1 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/you-and-i/

I: It’s snowing outside.

You: Yeah, it’s beautiful how everything is covered.

I: What do you think about “Deja Vu”?

You: Like you feel that it happened before?

I: Yeah, it’s been happening to me quite a lot. And it makes me feel bored.

You: But, does that matter though? What’s wrong with experiencing it again? Is the desire to constantly be in a new situation the best for our psyche?

I: I don’t know. That’s what everybody is up to. Isn’t it? New is exciting- they say.

You: That’s the problem I think. If you can’t perceive every moment as new, rather always perceive it as a reincarnated old, then you are just living inside your mind too much, circling and ultimately destined to diminish into a point of meaninglessness.

I: You are right. Every moment is a new one. It’s a perception issue, but the issue is real. The boredom is inevitably there to drown.

You: Well, then you recognized it.

I: But it doesn’t help though.

You: Maybe it will. Hope is necessary.

I: You want to play with snow?

You: Sure. As you know, you will really be playing with yourself.

I: I have seen some beautiful pictures of places. I really want to go visit them when I can.

You: Nice. What kind?

I: Mostly beautiful natural places. Most of the time there are some beautiful people waving or walking or doing something. It’s just refreshing to see. I guess it will be great to be there for real breathing the air near the ocean, over the mountain, through the valley, highways.

You: Yeah, escaping creates the euphoria. Maybe for good.

I: I know.

You: You remember that you wanted to know about love?

I: Yes. What about it?

You: Do you think there’s an ocean of love or a sky of love?

I: I will choose air over water. Just a preference. I don’t know how to swim.

You: You don’t know how to fly either. At least you can learn to swim.

I: You see, you are too pragmatic. In my imagination, I want to fly. I don’t crave to dive into the water.

You: Right you are! You want things that you can not have. Just saying..

I: Good. Now I am pissed.

You: Haha. Like you always are.

(to be continued ..)

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Thoughts with my espresso shot

Just waiting for my espresso shot at starbucks. I just woke up few minutes earlier and the first thing that I crave for when I wake up is sunlight and fresh air. So, I started biking in the campus; all the familiar roads – narrow and wide – it’s a beautiful sunny morning and I’m enjoying the refreshing outside. It’s probably soon going to be warm, so I’m happy not to miss this small window of comfort. The summer Purdue campus this year was a mess really, in fact, the whole West Lafayette was a mess with constructions with their screaching metallic sounds everywhere. Just to cross the Chauncey area street you would literally have to walk quarter miles to avoid sands and dirts. The nice bookshop there seems to be going away which is sad. The shop used to have lots of interesting stuff and I had some good memories with friends too. So, I’ll miss it. Last night was thirsty Thursday night which means I was hanging out with my friends at Cactus. 😉 I didn’t get too much wasted but sometimes those Thursday nights are just eventless and feel meaningless. But sometimes some night’s are unexpectedly awesome. But anyway, after a day of working in a quiet lab thinking about science and trying to understand the words in journals and papers and trying to understand the crazy scientists, the urge is just too strong to get lost in crowd and noise at night, at least for me. Anyway, coming back to the moment, I’m sitting right now with my espresso shot outside of the Starbucks at the nice flowery corner in front of the Krach Leadership center. I like this spot a lot. From here you can have a nice view of the recreational center and watching sunset from the other side in the evening is charming too. Even though I hate these constructions, but they were progressively making the campus look really newer and nicer. One thing that boggles everyone who is new around here and driving a car is those one way streets and some of them are now turned two way streets. Many many thanks.. There are some new food corners back there where I haven’t checked in yet even after three years of roaming around. See, there’s always things unnoticed. I’m almost done with my espresso shot now; in between writing my thoughts here, I already checked Facebook several times, already had a small online slack meeting with my student giving him instructions for his task and for sure, listening music. I am listening folk songs today, the whole last week I was listening rock and metals. It’s nice being engaged with things, with interactions with people; may be that’s one way of not getting bored. But then again you need to be with yourself too and see whether you are not being confused with these infinite stream of events around. It’s not nice feeling lonely too. I’ll have to admit that I do feel lonely even in the midst of plenty of people, even in the midst of handling so many things. It’s kind of interesting and may be it’s sort of a bad illusion of my mind that it often longs for the things which are missing but forgets to appreciate the things which are present. Living in the moment is not really easy after all. Mind always drags to the past or the future. And that’s why I like writing as it helps me think through.  I’ll have to move now, to some other corner of the campus doing something else. I love learning and I’ll engage myself to find some new ideas for today.