It’s not that difficult to see how illusory everything is. If self itself is an illusion, then everything created by that self is also an illusion. Ego! It’s an identity created by all the neural connectivity the brain experiences over time with the physical body participating in all the real events it had in its scope in its lifetime. If the physical self wouldn’t experience certain things, wouldn’t have participated in specific life events, the experiences of the brain would be different and so is the ego and so is the self. So, I, as a whole, is just one of the billions of others I could have become. But I am too attached to my own identity. Everyone is. And one can argue that for the style of life in a communal society, you don’t have much choice. If everyday when you wake up, you could start a new you wanting to erase all the past you, you wouldn’t be accepted. Not that you need to care! But.. again.. If you wear costume and change your outlook every morning so that no one can identify you, then you don’t exist in the eyes of others. But you do exist. But the problem is you start questioning your own existence. Because you are confused with multiple identities in yourself and so the others around you give you the perspective about what you mostly are. At least in general sense. I am not saying that it’s not possible to identify yourself without other human minds and their opinions. You may not need another human being, but you need this world, the air, the sky where you are contained to feel your existence. That means you understand yourself from an external towards an internal process, not an internal towards an external process. I will argue the later is almost impossible. Let me elucidate – When you are sleeping at night, if you are not dreaming or at least if you don’t recall dreaming, you are breathing, everything outside you is still going on, somebody is drinking, somebody is writing song or poetry, somebody is fucking hard or moaning or screaming, somebody is crying, somebody is laughing his ass off, somebody is just looking at the night sky, but you are not experiencing those, you are just not a part of those stories, so those don’t add anything to yourself, for you those are unreal, so your reality is only constructed when you are conscious about what’s going on. That’s why you can not feel your existence when you are unaware. That means all these going on surrounding you give you the perspective of your own existence. Anyway, I digress. Realizing that everything is relative can help us not to attach too much to certain things. Pain, dissatisfaction can be very hard to deal with. It’s because we feel extreme attachment with those memories. We feel like our selves have been wounded, damaged by those experiences, by those failures. Joy, satisfaction are also similar. One can argue that if you don’t have such attachment, then you will feel neither joy nor sadness. And that’s entirely true. You need some attachment to feel. I never said that the illusion is not important. The illusion is important for you to feel, for you to be a human being. But you don’t need to disagree with the fact that it’s an illusion. You, again, just sometimes need to realize that these are illusion. At least it helps when you are crippled with something inside your mind and sometimes when your own self, your own ego hurts you. And may be when you are against your self. You may question – then what’s the point? Where is the value of yourself? What’s the purpose? I don’t know the most philosophically accepted answer. But for me, you need those for you to continue, for you to be a productive member of your community. You just need to keep going till you expire. So, you can come up with your own answers. You can take answers from those who pondered a lot on those. Or you can be totally oblivious about all these questions and keep on living, eating, shitting and fucking and if you are smart, making some contribution so that others can keep on doing those a little bit longer than they would if you wouldn’t give a shit. Well, is this a pessimistic view about life? May be it is! I could do some euphemism and could come up with some optimistic one. That I often do. Optimism sometimes helps, pessimism sometimes helps. Hey! You need both calmness and anger. All you need just to go on. May be some options are better because they are less chaotic. But this time, let it be this way. If your surrounding, whatever achievements, whatsoever human connections, your religion, your ideology can answer your questions, help you to keep walking and persevering, then have them. But some are false, some are half false, some are true and you should not burden with your realization on someone else. And importantly again, realize that it’s all illusion and keep on acting.
It was a great experience to walk by the river Naperville. I knew about a hiking trail there from a Facebook group event. However, eventually, I did it by myself. It was a rainy saturday morning when I left home in West Lafayette. Then I drove two hours to the small cute Naperville town. I asked few people about where to start walking and they were kind enough to show me. It was really green, calm and serene. I loved the sound of the water and started walking. There were several bridges across the river. The river walk starts from the Washington street and then ends in Jefferson street. There is an awesome tall wind chime in between which creates wonderful sound. I also recorded the wind chime sound for few minutes. I was not the only person taking a nice walk by the river. There were some other couples and runners who accompanied me. I also liked the Naperville downtown. It is very neat and I was amazed by a number of street paint works. After my walk, I had my lunch in a cafe near the Washington street. Then I went to Chicago. I will post some of my Chicago experience in the next post.
This is what appeared in the cloud:
In my clouds of thoughts.
Extreme prettiness and somewhat ravishing you looked
When I glanced at you only once.
A certain kind of blissful pride was there
In the corner of your lips.
And a blend of firm determination and sweet innocence
In your deep blue eyes.
I love to take snapshots..
Snapshot of real beautiful moments;
Like what I glimpsed when you were before my eyes.
It’s mind-blowing that you uncovered my poetic me
In this early morning.
The wide sunny sky outside wasn’t enough to push me..
It took you and your busy beautiful face that drove me..
I’m stranger to you.. but whatever,
It feels good to me to write some lines for you
And something also for you to read and giggle.
This cloudy afternoon..
All the dreams are hanging from the clouds.
And all your attentions into that screen,
Don’t really surprise me.
As we are all disconnected in our individual island.
If it were a rainy day,
I would probably say you hello,
Or would offer you a hot cocoa.
You might ask “Why didn’t you do it today when you are feeling dreamy?”
Because rainy is romantic for me to feel the wet breeze and smell.
And gently feel the warmth and radiation from someone.
Cloudy and sunny is to smile and be unusual,
And moving like crazy and feeling the heart.
Vivacious outside is calling me.
Great it would be if someone like you were with me today,
But it’s all dreams you know,
For some ravishing smile and glow.
There she was ruminating, pondering..
That coffee shop corner now luminous and bright
With her pulchritude and elegance;
Two inquisitive eyes running through those pages..
Desiring to dare exploring the curves of her mind?
Whether it’s flying away from snowy numbness outside,
Charming could be a journey as conscious as possible..
With her effervescent smile sparkling around.
Perfect match are those painting and books behind her
Her blond hair seems like an intersection of dream and reality
As expressive she is with her waving hands when she speaks
And her touching of her nose, lips & ears when she listens.
A living embodiment of vitality she was..
Now she left and is lost in the crowds.
— A poem inspired by a girl in a coffee shop.
“Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.” — Leonard Cohen