In search of meaning or not?

Birth was not a choice, but living life should be and is a choice. There is no inherent one meaning for life, just because there is no one way of living life. Your meaning of life should adhere to your way of living life. However, the space where our lives are contained is a shared space. Therefore, we create some rules to abide by so that our distinct subjectivities don’t collide up to the point that we crush (which unfortunately is happening). The ordinary monkey way of living has evolved in such a way that we let these rules rule our inner selves so much that we can’t find our inner selves anymore and everything feels like a burden. Life feels meaningless. Think about it.. when you were a child, you were mindlessly roaming everywhere, probably was not giving a damn about the meaning of life. Then why do you give so much damn about meaning now? Because we are just bored, everything feels the same, we can’t change things, we feel helpless, we can’t create, we don’t know where we are heading, it all looks like a fog. But I can argue that if you can start thinking like a baby again, you will see you would feel differently. But I know it’s not easy. Time is a forward-moving trajectory. So, if you choose to live, it’s probably better to live the way your mind and body is in a union which then generate joy and fulfillment. There are some known facts from past experiences, scientific discoveries through neuroscience, yogic science, what can lead to the betterment of health and mind that we can follow to live longer and happier. Even though your body shares a lot of genetic memory, your mind already inherited a lot of baggage from the past, it’s probably always better to believe in the fluid nature of mind that can change and strive towards bringing good for you and others. And if you definitely need a meaning for yourself to move forward, just create one. I believe in taking the full responsibility for this life I am carrying.

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Sadness is about feeling aloof from the sweetness,

Sadness is about failing to filter the joy of life through the bitterness,

Sadness is about trying to escape

Sadness is about being unable to let go

Sadness is about not being desired

Sadness is about feeling afraid

Sadness is about feeling invisible in the crowd

Sadness is about not accepting the very own insignificance

Sadness is about feeling ignored

Sadness is about feeling powerless and miserable

Sadness is about trying to hold onto everything

Sadness is about burning inside

Sadness is about feeling shy to cry

Sadness is about missing and roaming in the pockets of memory

Sadness is about getting caught in a maze

Sadness is about getting stuck in the darkness

Sadness is about failing to see the light

Sadness is about isolation

Sadness is about getting lost

 

Happiness is about feeling the sensation of a warm coffee cup

Happiness is about kissing the lips without contradictions

Happiness is about getting naked under the moonlight

Happiness is about being silly in the crowd

Happiness is about kicking the nightmares

Happiness is about not feeling afraid

Happiness is about feeling secured

Happiness is about feeling recognized, feeling important

Happiness is about lighting the fire

Happiness is about dancing with the wind

Happiness is about taking a deep breath without fear

Happiness is about feeling empowered

Happiness is about finding the path towards brightness

Happiness is about making friendly calls

Happiness is about embracing everyone

Happiness is about rediscovering ownself

Happiness is about getting discovered

 

Both just happen to us.

Both are unreal.

But we are real.

Oddness of existence

Pessimism alert! Bad trip alert!

However, I am optimistic.

I’ve been thinking about life and miseries and roaming on YouTube and watching some documentaries. It seems to me where ever you are, what relative condition a life is ticking, every living being seems like struggling and feeling pain and suffocation and longing for getting out of the cage. Each seems to desire to live in a better condition, has a goal where each wants to reach, but then it can not, and then it is frustrated and unhappy. Each seems to feel confined in its living condition. And it’s easy to die and the fear is real. It is like neverending unhappiness and struggle to live. All an individual animal and human think about are all that it don’t have, can’t have. Each has the survival instincts and the ability to feel joy and pain. Some are not naturally selected well. Some are trying to climb the ladder, some are falling, some are rising, some are winning, some are being extinguished. Some are not better equipped for existence, some are endowed with good social and physical environment, some are not. Some are lucky, but they feel unlucky. Some are unlucky, but are unaware of the way to bring a good fortune. For human, education and information acquisition seems necessary, but then even with education, with information you can feel trapped. It seems like in life feeling trapped is inevitable.

It was a wild trip for me through internet. Normally you call or recognize that you were in the dark side of internet or youtube after such trip, as if you try to kick yourself into the good reality from a bad one, as if you feel the desire that bad things don’t exist, at least not for you, you only want to watch the good stuff, feel the good feeling, as if you want to believe that your problems and miseries are the biggest problems on earth. But it’s not. But it’s also true that you are only stuck with yourself. The first and foremost thing is your wellbeing but it’s asy to be tricked if your world view is small nd not wide enough to have a global view of existence on our pale blue planet. All may be illusion, it’s hard to figure what’s real and what’s not, as most things are beyond your reach and beyond your subjective world.

Life should be easy to live. But the baggage from evolution, from culture are too hard and the trap seems to be too tight for any individual to break through.
I am on a peak of my personal realizations.
Nothing is weird.

My mind is mashed with conflicting thoughts. But it’s all good.

May be whatever you are, where ever you are, accepting and embracing it is the first step, and then the continuation. Being a human is probably lucky that you are uniquely positioned to think through all these. But then a human mind is so tricky, if it’s not filled with the positive stuff, if it’s not directed towards a good path, it can make a living hell out of itself even in the best livable condition. So, life is a blessing and a curse at the same time; it’s ultimately how it’s perceived. You can know the light, when you experienced darkness.. and vice versa.

If you want to have the same trip like mine…it will be a bad trip for you if you watch these videos sequentially.. . in total I probably watched 50 videos over a long time. Haha.

There’s also almost infinite good stuff and videos too on YouTube. You can always cherry pick and demand to see the good instead of the bad.

A struggling penguin..

Survival of a bear vs a seal

Tribal limitedness

A brothel in the south east

Unhappy women seeking for marriage

Crazy girlfriends

Unhappy rich people

Can Money Buy Everything?

My friend on Facebook posted..
Those who keep saying “Money Can’t Buy Everything” don’t have enough money.

And I argued:

“It’s very easy to disprove. Can a billionaire buy you with money? Yes or No? Can he buy to be the most empathetic person, can he buy to be the best scientist? I can go on and on what he can not buy. But it’s true that he can buy lots of things that most people can’t. But even if, what is it that most people want.. big house, big salary, luxary cars, jewelery, ability to travel, power and influence. I can give you hundreds of examples of enthusiastic people who are not rich, who are doing these way better than Donald Trump or some other boring billionaires. Just watch Instagram and YouTube mindfully, how beautifully people can live with less. Money can’t buy creativity, peace in mind; it can just help towards that path. It’s just a vehicle for comfort and survival but it itself is not the comfort and happiness. But look.. this kind of mentality that money is everything.. imprison the free mind and make your mind and then life a living hell. Do u really not think you can just leave every fucking luxary and go to a jungle and live peacefully eating fruits? I am telling you I can totally see myself doing that if that’s whats gonna give me happiness and peace. I’m not a prisoner of the society and the world where money is required. LoL. Money is just a peace of paper. It’s the idea and perception of living that’s important. Peace!! Haha. ;)”

What do you think and say? I would like to hear.

Richness – Opportunity in block chain space

From my understanding of life, becoming a billionaire or becoming rich is not the goal of life. And I used to call myself ambitious, but I learnt to dislike the word “Ambition” now. Ambition is a self-centered outlook that only works within your context and is more often disconnected. I rather love the word “Vision” now and want to be a part in the bigger process for creativity.
Anyway, if you become rich, good for you. But I will value you for the things that matter for me or the society around, not for the things that you own personally. Being happy and feeling the passion for living and doing good things for you and people around you give you the purpose for living further and create. If you have realized the complexity of life and managed to remain happy, then probably you would like everyone to be happy around you with your rich mind or create jobs to employ people so that they can have better life. An inclusive mind and an inclusive society and an inclusive economy are what we should envision.
However, I am posting this to make you realize that there are people who seize the opportunity, who can see through and work hard to become what they become. And they create and contribute even more sometimes. And it should be inspiring for us to explore and may be find our own path to richness of both kinds. There will always be things in the hand of luck, but what you can change or take is what you should focus on. And that’s where the dimension of time comes into place. All we are losing is time every moment if we haven’t made the best use of it. I feel like the block chain, Bitcoin space is full of opportunities for many, for researchers, academicians, statisticians, economists, engineers, programmers, data scientists like me, businessman or woman, large companies, governments, individuals. For change, you need disruption sometimes. To be enthusiastic, you need something that excites. So, cheering for all of your endeavors and everyone to utilize your opportunities in this space to feel proud of. Hope you will create opportunities for others through your service of whatever kind.

But if you don’t want to read a story of a crypto billionaire, but rather prefer to read about philosophy from a Yogi about creativity, vision or ambition. Read this: http://isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/success/ambition-to-vision-more-to-all/

Have a great day, guys.

https://amp-timeinc-net.cdn.ampproject.org/c/amp.timeinc.net/time/money/5198682/cryptocurrency-billionaires

On Living – A poem shared by a friend

A poem by Nazim Hikmet from turkey shared by a Turkish friend. And I said to my friend “I like how it gives me a sense of purpose and the meaning in living and the desire to live more seriously.” So, feeling to share..

About the poet Nazim Hikmet

Nazim Hikmet was born on January 15, 1902 in Salonika, Ottoman Empire (now Thessaloníki, Greece), where his father served in the Foreign Service. He was exposed to poetry at an early age through his artist mother and poet grandfather, and had his first poems published when he was seventeen.

Raised in Istanbul, Hikmet left Allied-occupied Turkey after the First World War and ended up in Moscow, where he attended the university and met writers and artists from all over the world. After the Turkish Independence in 1924 he returned to Turkey, but was soon arrested for working on a leftist magazine. He managed to escape to Russia, where he continued to write plays and poems.

And the poem:

On Living
Nazim Hikmet, 1902 – 1963
I

Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example—
I mean without looking for something beyond and above living,
I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must take it seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
that, for example, your hands tied behind your back,
your back to the wall,
or else in a laboratory
in your white coat and safety glasses,
you can die for people—
even for people whose faces you’ve never seen,
even though you know living
is the most real, the most beautiful thing.
I mean, you must take living so seriously
that even at seventy, for example, you’ll plant olive trees—
and not for your children, either,
but because although you fear death you don’t believe it,
because living, I mean, weighs heavier.
II

Let’s say we’re seriously ill, need surgery—
which is to say we might not get up
from the white table.
Even though it’s impossible not to feel sad
about going a little too soon,
we’ll still laugh at the jokes being told,
we’ll look out the window to see if it’s raining,
or still wait anxiously
for the latest newscast. . .
Let’s say we’re at the front—
for something worth fighting for, say.
There, in the first offensive, on that very day,
we might fall on our face, dead.
We’ll know this with a curious anger,
but we’ll still worry ourselves to death
about the outcome of the war, which could last years.
Let’s say we’re in prison
and close to fifty,
and we have eighteen more years, say,
before the iron doors will open.
We’ll still live with the outside,
with its people and animals, struggle and wind—
I mean with the outside beyond the walls.
I mean, however and wherever we are,
we must live as if we will never die.
III

This earth will grow cold,
a star among stars
and one of the smallest,
a gilded mote on blue velvet—
I mean this, our great earth.
This earth will grow cold one day,
not like a block of ice
or a dead cloud even
but like an empty walnut it will roll along
in pitch-black space . . .
You must grieve for this right now
—you have to feel this sorrow now—
for the world must be loved this much
if you’re going to say “I lived”. . .

Then you never stop feeling..

Last weekend I was bored. I was super bored, up to a level that I was literally trying to escape from everything. This weekend I am feeling really good. It’s really nice weather outside here. I am in the new Starbucks coffeeshop near our campus. I love the new atmosphere in this coffee shop. The old one was really small and congested, the new one is wide and feels having more room. It’s interesting how space makes us feel. The feeling of wideness and narrowness I mean! And I am thinking about ups and downs of life. May be I have some obsession with playing with my feelings ;). The ups and downs are so common, but still every time you are in the down side, you hate being there. On the other hand, the ups are the ones you want to sustain. How to really get used to with your failures? Some failures are just hard to accept as you firmly believe that you could have done better. It’s that your laziness and lack of conscious thoughts in the moment just ruined it for you. But then no physical event should really define your potential, but it’s just hard to reconcile. My friend Adil gave me a book. It’s “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran. Reading Gibran is such a delight. I am reading page 29 on Joy and Sorrow. The chapter starts with

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow. And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

There really is no hard line between joy and sorrow. But as human being, we know we feel; We feel joy and we feel sorrow. And we don’t want sorrow for ourselves, we only want joy. Because it just feels good being joyous. But the natural world, the unconscious everything doesn’t have the least concern about how we feel, what we want. Should we call the nature ruthless then because it doesn’t care us at all? So, it’s on us how we can feel, what we can feel. But feeling the power within yourself is not that easy. Well, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Frankly I have a feeling that I understand this sentence, but do I really? I am doubtful, may be because you can never appropriately measure the depth of your sorrow or your joy. When you are in misery, like when you lose your closest one, or you fail in something you deeply desired for, the sorrow just feels endless, when you are in the joyous state, like making love with your sweetest one, like sitting beside your mother and listen how you used to be when you were young with some disbelief, the joy you feel is just unimaginable. Every time it’s new, because it’s a new moment.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the vey cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Gibran talks about how inseparable joy and sorrow is. He denies the superiority of one over the other. He brings some metaphor like a cup or a lute and how they stand with both of the sides- the harsh and the mild. He asks us to be introspective, to see our heart like a dual being observing its other self standing nearby.

We are always thinking. And if I look at my own thoughts, they are so sporadic. It takes some effort to linearize my thoughts. It requires concentration to steadily and critically think about a single topic. It may be a very important neuro – scientific question why and how we evolved to be like this. A broad answer may be that millions of our early evolutionary past, all we thought and cared about is our survival in the wild. But were we not more focussed than what we are now? What I mean is – when you are running away from a danger or chasing down an animal or heavy lifting or climbing, those normally require intense focus. It can easily be said that when we didn’t know how to read or write, those were our primary activities. Did we then used to live in the present more than how we live our life now? In our modern lives (last few centuries) through urbanization, through industrial, scientific, academic revolution, we brought more stability in managing our resources, properties. We live more in our mind now that we live outside I guess. But this is a big claim? Isn’t it? And probably it’s just not very easy to prove it. Our modern activities have changed, moved from high physical labor to low physical labor tasks, require more mental activities, because we learnt through imagination we can touch the infinite. It’s a huge dilemma, isn’t it? If I understand the mechanism of joy and sorrow, I know that these emotion are deeply attached with your connection with your presence in the world. But then we know that only through imagination, prediction of future and inference of the past, we can enjoy the unknowns. Both are true and so is the struggle in the mind. I will just end with the last sentence in the chapter by Gibran.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

And I am now watching this to add more spice to my burning mind-oven.

Never been a necessity

Well, he hasn’t been here for last two weeks. Did anybody care? Did we really bring him into the conversation? He was invisible, did we feel his necessity? May be some closed ones did, but it wasn’t that inconceivable or unthinkable without the presence of him. Was it? And he left this place, a month or two ago, he was here everyday, he was integral to every morning of this wonderful place. Didn’t we already stop missing him? We did. And then he died, nobody knew him. He is not being missed either. We just talk about him sometimes and then it fades away. Well, our mind at a time only can hold a little in its tiny working memory, so we need to leave things behind us. We are not really big necessity for anything ultimately, it’s just that we try to be relevant up to some point. It’s just like a freak show everyday, some noise, some rumbling, then all quiet and calm and it’s all gone. Without you, the freak show would still continue, is that realization give any sensation of fear or frustration? It’s all inside you. All those chattering, all those blabbering – it’s all what you and only you collected from your outside. Not many of them will linger more than few hours. The eternal process of literally losing everything will go on. Isn’t she happy now? Does she really care what happened on this day five year, six years ago? All that matter is what’s she eating for her lunch now. That’s all matter. It’s all about you and your desire as long as they don’t collide to hurt someone else, you will be treated fine and won’t need any medication. Look at him, he is checking her ass like he has never seen such a beautiful thing before. What a spark on his face full of lust, but how long that will last? Well, who said it needs to be lasting? But isn’t that what we try with everything? Make it sustain, make it sustain, don’t try to forget, remember this, remember that, earn this skill, earn that. Well, it’s all in vain. Or may be not. All you need to do is to not care.

Epiphany

There’s only one sun and only one visible moon. And there’s only one heart beeping inside, always embezzled by events and all the hereabouts. You wish that you can keep a permanent relaxed state but life without tension is a rare catch. So, the mornings are awkwardly different, the noons are assumingly hectic, the afternoons are eccentric, the evenings are about experiencing the switch between light and darkness, the nights are simultaneously welcoming and unwelcoming but what is it that can fill you up is yet to be unknown or unrevealed; just let it be. The joys and delights- they are better perceived, experienced when they are unpredictably available. There’s no escape from monotony but isn’t boredom a preconceived notion to you? You can deal with uncertainties, you sure can. Even if all your efforts for making things certain in your hand, in your mind fail, you are still creating something, you are still breathing, walking and dancing. Ultimately, it’s all just a bit of your momentary expression born out of your feelings and actions. May be it’s easy if you always have something to do tomorrow, something to achieve that can be significant in your timeline, may be you choose to be solitary to be introspective, may be you want to mingle to behave, may be you are closed to entertain yourself, may be you are open to entertain others, but you just do it the way you feel and you try to replicate, not always successfully, but it’s good to discover new you within you, so you continue asking questions to search for some of the answers. Newness is charming, old can be boring. But you needed the old to create the new, so be in love with both, make a bridge between the two, they will clash but for good reasons, for the purpose of your new you to be born in the finite stream of countably infinite next moments. It’s too short, no point of putting yourself in misery by taking the extraterrestrial vehicles. The fact that you can still dream is magical.