P.U.R.P.O.S.E.

Some words just shine on you and reflect like zillions of lights altogether: “Presumably there is indeed no purpose in the ultimate fate of the cosmos, but do any of us really tie our life’s hopes to the ultimate fate of the cosmos anyway? Of course we don’t; not if we are sane. Our lives are ruled by all sorts of closer, warmer, human ambitions and perceptions. To accuse science of robbing life of the warmth that makes it worth living is so preposterously mistaken, so diametrically opposite..” – Excerpt from The Selfish Gene that Dawkins regret for not renaming as The Immortal Gene or The cooperative Gene.

Whenever you have a shortage of purposefulness and your world become nihilistic, just call your loved ones. The ultimate reality of cosmos can never or should never take away your good feelings.

#science #evolution #cosmos #nihilism #purpose #spiritual

Words shouldn’t scare you

“When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up..”

Let’s not fear words and labels, let’s understand what they truly mean.
Bob Dylan wrote in his song “When you gonna wake up”..

“God don’t make promises that He don’t keep.
You got some big dreams baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

Counterfeited philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts.
Karl Marx has got ya by the throat, Henry Kissinger’s got you tied up in knots.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
You got unrighteous doctors dealing drugs that’ll never cure your ills.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

You got men who can’t hold their peace and woman who can’t control their tongues.
The rich seduce the poor and the old are seduced by the young.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

Adulterers in churches and pornography in the schools.
You got gangsters in power and lawbreakers making rules.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

Spiritual advisors and gurus to guide your every move.
Instant inner peace and every step you take has got to be approved.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up strengthen the things that remain ?

Do you ever wonder just what God requires ?
You think He’s just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain ?You can’t take it with you and you know that it’s too worthless to be sold.
They tell you, ‘Time is money’ as if your life was worth its weight in gold.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain ?There’s a man up on a cross and He’s been crucified for you.
Believe in His power that’s about all you got to do.

When you gonna wake up, when you gonna wake up.
When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain ?”

Listen the song:

A life of roaming

“I was never going to go if I was waiting for someone to come with me” – Laura.

It’s time again soon for me to plan and move to a different city and I already started fearing a new life and missing my friends. And I have been reminiscing.

Every time I move, I lose my friends and some of them are really close. It’s hard to stay away from family too sometimes. It has been taking a great toll on me losing people from life, missing people and things I once cared and still care a lot. However, life really forces you to change a lot sometimes. But with every move, there are many surprising positive things that I eventually get, for example, new friends.

Ultimately, it’s the human relationship, which linger the most, whereas, some relationships get broken with many woes. I was reading few blog posts linked below on the merits/demerits of digital nomad life and just thought about my past.

If I observe my life path, I have been a semi-nomad all my teen/adult life. This last 6 years (2014-2020) was probably the longest time I have lived in two adjacent cities for my graduate education in my ’20s, but even in this scenario, I have changed apartments/house every year. First two years (2014-2015), I frequently visited my ex girlfriend in Urbana Champaign, then (2014-2016) I lived in Lafayette, whereas since 2017 up until 2020, I lived near Purdue campus in West Lafayette. And last summer (2019 May – 2019 Aug), I lived in Silicon valley and explored the central part of the west coast in California. But when I was in Japan (2008-2014), I lived in a city at most 3 years, 1 year(2008) in Tokyo, 3 years(2009-2012) in Shikoku, (2012-2014) in Osaka, 2014 in Tokyo again. Now, even if I look further back into my life in Bangladesh, I was born in Rangpur, Bangladesh, but then my parents moved in to Ulipur, Bangladesh (~1988 – 1994 ish) where both sides of my grandparents have our country homes, then my family moved to a slightly larger northern city Rangpur (where I was born) again and I studied 10 years (1994 – 2004) for my primary and junior level schooling. After that I moved to the capital Dhaka, Bangladesh by myself leaving my parents and had my high school there from (2004-2007) and started my college in 2008 for a semester right before leaving for Japan. And of course, even in these years from 1995-2007, I changed home almost every year.

It seems to me, I have a true desire to move and roam. However, up until recently, I haven’t really realized these facts of my own life very closely. Now that I can realize, I am questioning some of the future ideas that I have. Can I ever settle somewhere, with someone? Should I ? Will I? Sometimes I feel like I am incapable of settling down as I love the idea of fluid life. But I also don’t want to have a set idea of life for mine either where everything is predictable. So, may be, it’s better to just acknowledge that I just don’t know about my future and I will never know concretely beyond just a map of ideas and dreams for an ever changing future yet to come.

Last summer I didn’t have a home and I constantly moved between airbnb, hotels, car camping. And I have been thinking whether I should go on full digital nomad mode. But as I can see there are many challenges of that. But have I ever feared challenges and risks? For me, I always craved adventures !

I believe I am not alone in this way of floating in the current of the web-like river of our lives in our society in each country on this planet in this universe. And I wish I could keep more snapshots of my life as one day it will end with all my memories inside my head.

Gosh, I have so much yet to experience and embrace! I hope not to lose track of time. And I wish I could find the less to be more.

#life #memories #travel #nomad #backpacker

https://blog.tortugabackpacks.com/realities-digital-nomad-…/
https://abackpackerstale.com/
https://piktochart.com/…/unglamorous-facts-digital-nomad-l…/

Yep.. sad but true.. Nothing’s changing

Yeah Leo.. you said in 2016 “Climate change is real and we need to work together collectively to save the world”.. and years passing by, nothing is happening.

Using paper straw and paper bag is not going to save the planet unless you vote the right kind of leaders who care! Nothing will happen until the leaders of the world can recognize how we need to move away from corporate profit motives to really figure out climate policies. You can not change anything when the President believes it to be a hoax and rolling back important environmental rules. Sad that half of this country don’t really care whether many regions of this planet can exist another 100 years or so. Hope your God, whichever you choose to believe, will save the planet and your grandchildren and you continue making money by polluting the world now or just ignoring the facts and keeping your eyes closed, huh! Yes, economy is so great and unemployment is so much lower that people are sunbathing with joy!!

95 Environmental Rules Being Rolled Back Under Trump

https://lnkd.in/en5aPM6

We will see massive security threats due to migration, starvation, deforestation and increased flooding, heat storms, intense earthquakes and cyclones and tsunamis.

#climatechange

Where do you get your protein?

Where do you get your protein as a vegan/vegeterian if you are not eating meat? The most common question I get, even from my BS, BEng, PhD, MD and MBA friends who have studied books after books their entire life and knows how to google the most rare information out of internet..!!

 

Answer: We get protein from the best natural source, actually we get the protein where the cows and chickens get their protein from.

 

This is how it goes.. the flow of protein to your body.

 

Cows, chickens eat grains etc. —> Protein converts into amino acid –> Muscles are built from the amino acid in the body of the cow, chicken etc. —> You murder yourself in the name of God or whatsoever or be part of the cruel process starting from the butchershop/farms to the grocery store to acquire meat etc..!! —> You then cook and eat cow, chicken etc. or buy food in the restaurant —> You get protein.

 

Feel glad that it took these many years to know how you get your muscles and muscular energy!!!!>>>>?????

 

“In a cow’s diet, protein comes from crops like soybeans and the seed of cotton plants..”

 

Conclusion: You eat meat because you like to eat meat, you have been indoctrinated, addicted to meat. It’s deeply cultural, it’s deeply inside our habits and rituals. And it’s very hard to unhook yourself. May be you also don’t know much about nutrition. However, most vegans/vegeterians are vegans not because they care about their own health, they care not to kill something that contains life and can have an eye contact with you and feel fear and cry in pain. Yes, you are selfish when you eat meat, because you think you are at the top of the food chain, because you compare yourself with a lion or a tiger who would kill you if they would get you in the wild and so many other vague arguments without acknowledging that you are evolved to be a rational, moral human being who can criticize his or her own action if necessary. May be you haven’t thought about your own cruelty towards living beings, just like the war mongers don’t actively think about the suffering of hundreds of human beings when they shoot a bomb or launch a missile, but you are part of it everyday, but you don’t have to be. So, yes, human being are cruel, there’s a fight for dominance, you need to be strong and strong survives, but I hope we can change the world from such a scary hierarchical society to a much more co-operative society where love and compassion are harnessed. So, we are talking about change here, we are thinking about moral and ethical evolution as vegans. It’s not just about stop eating meat and end of story. Sorry, many vegans also don’t understand and vouch many non-convincing reasons. Also, importantly, just being a vegan doesn’t automatically make you a better human being, you can be shittiest person in many things that matter and you should be thinking of.

 

Anyway, You can live healthy, happy and as energetic, as mascular by not being part of killing an animal. You also don’t have to bring God again to justify your superiority.. And I do understand how much you love the taste of meat, I hope we will have to wait another 10 years to get cultured artificial meat, so that you can be satisfied.

Is cell-cultured meat ready for the mainstream?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYXw_-vJFBA

 

What’s the function of carbohydrate, protein and fat really?

Carbs: Broken down into glucose, used to supply energy to cells. Extra is stored in the liver.

 

Protein: Broken down into amino acids, used to build muscle and to make other proteins that are essential for the body to function.

 

Fat: Broken down into fatty acids to make cell linings and hormones. Extra is stored in fat cells

 

Vitamin: Veggies etc.

 

Yes, someday, vegan food makes me feel tired. Because we consume less calory in general, which keeps our weight checked. But it mostly happens, when I am not planning my meals/foods properly, or eating unhealthy. You can eat unhealthy either as a vegan or meat-eater. I can just live on potato chips and stay vegan which is in no way healthy, just like someone can eat McDonalds burger and fast food and grizzy meat everyday. So, being vegan also forces you to think about your meal and nutrition in it.

 

It’s not radical to not kill something that feels pain. You must have to be radical to believe that vegans/vegetarians are radicals to express their concern towards our immoral acts for centuries, towards our indirect or direct cruelty possibly three times a day. We understand that forcing morality onto someone, making someone do something forcibly is also moral. So, we try to speak up with the hope that you will probably understand and one day will take that step to do the right thing and we will progress one inch to a world where there’s one more compassionate human being.

 

How to build muscles on vegan diet:

 

And yes, I am using strong words, to make you think ;), as the rap God Eminem said,

“People will hate you for speaking the truth, but you’ve gotta learn to stand up to them, so don’t be offended if I say something you don’t like.”

 

Read more:

https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=uq1238abc

 

https://www.bhufoods.com/know-beans-seeds-key-growing-muscle-vegan-diet/

No need

A tribute to this beautiful Bengali song “No need (দরকার নাই)” by NXL expressing stuffs that matter.

“No need (দরকার নাই)”

———————————————————————————-

গোল এই গ্রহটার একি হাল

(gol ei grohotar eki hal)

What a disaster in this round planet

জগাখিচুড়িরর চাল

(jogakhichurir chal)

What a nasty hodgepodge

ময়লা মেঘের পাল

(moyla megher pal)

A bunch of dirty clouds

শুকনো সময় ডাল

(shukno somoy dal)

Some dried-up time of ours

গোল এই গ্রহটার একি হাল

(gol ei grohotar eki hal)

What a disaster in this round planet

জগাখিচুড়িরর চাল

(jogakhichurir chal)

What a nasty hodgepodge

ময়লা মেঘের পাল

(moyla megher pal)

A bunch of dirty clouds

শুকনো সময় ডাল

(shukno somoy dal)

Some dried-up time of ours

নদী নালা খাল বিল

(nodi nala khal bil)

Rivers and canals

বিষে ভরা বান্ডিল

(bishe vora bandil)

Bundles of poison

উড়ছে অবাক চিল

(urche obak chil)

Surprised hawks flying

শূণ্য মাছের ঝিল

(shunno macher jhil)

Lakes empty of fish

লাগবে না তোর ইকোসিস্টেম

(lagbe na tor ecosystem)

No need of any ecosystem

নষ্ট করবো আরও দাও যত ব্লেইম

(noshto korbo aro dao joto blame)

Destory it more and more, don’t blame

আমার দরকার নাই তোর প্রকৃতির দান

(amar dorkar nai tor prokritir dan)

I don’t need any gift from nature

আমার ফরমালিন আছে নাই সম্মান

(amar formalin ache, nai shomman)

I have my formalins, no respect whatsoever

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

নাগরিক হৈ চৈ রৈ রৈ

(nagorik hoi choi roi roi)

Citizens outcrying

টাকা সব গেল কই

(taka sob gelo koi)

Where is all the money?

কালো বেড়ালের পেটে

(kalo beraler pete)

Inside the stomach of the black cat?

খৈ ফাটে টৈ টৈ

(khoi fate toi toi)

Bullshit and bullshit

হরতালে টুকিটাকি

(hortale tukitaki)

Strikes and some outcome

ককটেল ফাটাফাটি

(koktel fatafati)

Cocktail bomb blasting

গনতন্ত্রের নামে হিংস্র রাজনীতি

(gonotontrer name hingsro rajniti)

Cruel politics in the name of democracy

লাগবে না তোর নেতারূপী চোর

(lagbe na tor netarupi chor)

No need of any thief in the disguise of politician

স্বপ্ন দেখানো সব ঘুম ভাঙ্গা ভোর

(shopno dekhano sob ghum vanga vor)

Broken up of all those sleeps/hopes after dreams in the dawn

আমার দরকার নাই তোর মানবতাবোধ

(amar dorkar nai tor manobotabodh)

I don’t need any humanity

বা খুনিদের বাঁচাতে ধার্মিক ক্রোধ

(ba khunider bachate dharmik krodh)

I don’t need religious hatred to save the murderers

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

নাউ সস্তা কলরেটের নিশাচর লাভ

(nao shosta call rate er nishachor lav)

Cheap callrate, cheap nocturnal(illegal) profit

বাট রাত পোহালেই শিট পুরোটাই ব্লাফ হেই

(but rat pohalei shit purotai bluff hey)

Full of bluffs when the night is over

নাউ সস্তা কলরেটের নিশাচর লাভ

(nao shosta call rate er nishachor lav)

Cheap callrate, cheap nocturnal(illegal) profit

বাট রাত পোহালেই শিট পুরোটাই ব্লাফ

(but rat pohalei shit purotai bluff hey)

Full of bluffs when the night is over

দেখো একজোড়া জুলিয়েট তিন জোড়া রোমিও

(dekho ekjora juliet tin jora Romio)

Look, there’s a pair of Juliets and three pairs of Romio

হিসাব করিয়া নিয়া সকলেই থামিও

(hishab koriya niya shokolei thamio)

All of you! Calculate and then stop

লাগবেনা তোর সেই পুরাতন প্রেম

(lagbena tor sei puraton prem)

No need of those forgone romance

যেথা দুজনে মিলে বাঁধতো জীবনের ফ্রেম

(jetha dujone mile bandhto jiboner frame)

Where both of you would create a frame of life

আমার দরকার নাই

(amar dorkar nai)

I don’t need

আমার দরকার নাই তোর ভালবাসা

(amar dorkar nai tor valobasha)

I don’t need your love

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)

No need, no need of mine

কাঁটাতারে তারে খণ্ড মাটি নিয়ে দ্বন্দ্ব

(katatare tare khondo mati niye dondo)

Division with those thorny fences and fights for boundaries of lands

উদার ধরণী তলে রক্তের গন্ধ

(udar dhoroni tole rokter gondho)

Smell the blood beneath this fertile soil

কাঁটাতারে তারে খণ্ড মাটি নিয়ে দ্বন্দ্ব

(katatare tare khondo mati niye dondo)

Division with those thorny fences and fights for boundaries of lands

উদার ধরণী তলে রক্তের গন্ধ

(udar dhoroni tole rokter gondho)

Smell the blood beneath this fertile soil

অন্যায় অবিচার ধর্ষন ব্যভিচার

(onnay obichar dhorshon bavichar)

Crime, Injustice, Rape, Adultery

বিবেক টা লকারে তালা মারা অধিকার

(bibek ta lokare tala mara odhikar)

Put your conscience in the locker and also your rights

লাগবেনা যুক্তি বা শান্তি চুক্তি

(lagbe na jukti ba shanti chukti)

No need of either logic or peace treaty

মানুষ মরুক মানুষ মরুক

(manush moruk, manush moruk)

Let the people die, let the people die

আমার মৃত্যুই মুক্তি

(amar mrittui mukti)

Death is my only freedom

আমি কি করবো জোনাকির আলোয়

(ami ki korbo jonakir aloy)

What am I gonna do in the light of those fireflies

এই আঁধারে?

(ei andhare)

In this darkness?

ক্ষীণ আলোর এ আশা আমার লাগবে না

(khino alor e asha amar lagbe na)

This fading hope of light – I don’t need at all

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai)

No need, no need of mine

আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।

(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai)

No need, no need of mine

আমার দরকার নাই

(amar dorkar nai)

I don’t need

আমার দরকার নাই

(amar dorkar nai)

I don’t need

আমার দরকার নাই।।

(amar dorkar nai)

I don’t need

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EAZdJvDTB8

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/album/0sUGhA7xMLiaxkTyo2aXdp?highlight=spotify:track:6bj71x1UOsqjuxAJnwTCpD

You and I – 5

I: I think I am full of superiority complex. I have this condescension and self-righteousness as I can see through. And why won’t I? I feel disgusted when I can see the stupid self-destructive actions people take. Why are people so stupid?

You: It’s an illusion. You come from what you have experienced. You may know certain things more. But you don’t know, can not know everything as you have not experienced everything. You only know your life and you see everything through your lens. You may be right in terms of what is to be done right, but you have no clue why they might not have been understanding what you understand.

I: I hate to fail.

You: It’s ok if you fail now. Accept the failure. It does not mean “You are THE FAILURE”.

I: I hate deadlines.

You: Deadlines are there so that you can enjoy the freedom afterward. Ultimately you are free and there is no rush. But don’t you want to accomplish things in life? If you do, then deadlines are your friends.

I: Is my physical experience that important?

You: Your physical appearance, experience are important. Because your mind lives inside your physical body.

I: Why am I so much bothered by the physical cravings – hunger for food, sex etc? They are killing me.

You: They are your physical needs which need to be dealt with for your mind to keep engaged and flourish. Neglecting them, you will starve yourself and feeling starved your mind will not let you who you can truly become.

I: Aren’t physical appearances just the way to attract other people?

You: Yes, but it depends on how you look. Our reality is that we already live in a society. You won’t be who you are if your parents wouldn’t raise you properly, if your closed ones wouldn’t love and take care of you. However, attracting other people may not be the final goal of life. Therefore, if you are in a place where your physical appearance is harming your mental peace- like if you are fat and feel shame, you are creating a problem for your own self. There are things you can try to reconcile with. You need to think about your priorities – what you really care about. But you need to believe that you can change. You should be able to hope. You are more than your body and your mind. So say when you feel vulnerable “I am not just my body. I am not just my mind either.”

I: What do you think about minimalistic life- making everything simple, possessing few things?

You: It might help you stay away from debt or pay off your debt. Letting redundant things go can save yourself from taking unnecessary burdens Depending on how you do it, it can be adventurous. You can be a digital nomad or an urban nomad. You can travel around, make more friends and have some exciting experiences. But you need to be brave and be ready to be surprised constantly and be prepared for dangerous experiences too.

Image courtesy: http://tiny.cc/rhyd6y

You and I – 4

I: I am thinking about the cycle of life. Imagine a mammoth tree; it starts from a seed planted on earth; then it grows to be a small plant; it gets taller, bigger and wider; it branches out, takes more space, becomes the nest of some birds, provides the shadows to the passersby; but one day after many years it die; it can no longer maintain its life.

You: So is the life of most animals and the human too. Is it not?

I: Yeah. I just realized that a full cycle of life has its peak and its valley. Let’s say when you were born you were in a valley, then you walked, walked, walked all the way up to the peak of a mountain, then you must have to come back to the valley in the other side. What is striking me the most is that it’s not a choice to stay either on the peak or the valley of the landscape. Time is forcing you to move and there is no constancy.

You: We are just experiencers experiencing life.

I: Then why do we attach ourselves too much to anything at all? Like our parents, our house, our babies, our career, our achievements, our this, our that.

You: Because at many moment in life, you have things or relationships which are replaceable and things or relationships which are irreplaceable. You are right that we delude ourselves with many of our assumptions and false expectations. But at the same time we require a certain purpose for us to live and move on the path from the valley to the peak, to the valley again. Many actually never reach the peak, many die on the way to the valley. There is probably no one exact peak either.

I: Life is confusing to me often times. I drive myself to achieve things, to go to places, to desire. I do things to make myself happy. But there are many things that make me unhappy. There are many desires that will never be fulfilled. But if I don’t chase, I will never achieve, right? But the process of chasing is tiring and makes me unhappy. Every rejections, failures break my heart, but when I stand up again, I become stronger. But there is probably no end of this cycle. Just like the day ends with a night and a night ends with a day. Or, a night starts with the end of a day and a day starts with the end of a night. But ultimately I will die one day. So is it that ultimately I just want to remain as happy as possible most of the times. That’s the goal?

You: Well, not a bad goal. Is it?

I: There is so much imperfection in this world. Don’t you think? So much unfairness, so much dirt.

You: Yeah. I guess we are in this mess because everyone is confused. Everyone knows for a fact that he or she is alive, feels pain, doesn’t want to feel pain, wants to be happy, wants to have things, can’t have things because of others, then wants to hurt others. A whole dynamics of give and take in unfair ways. And it’s good that our society is still progressing.

I: Are we really progressing towards a better world? I was reading this book. She is a writer from the past century. But her imagination, her wording, her observation just mesmerized me. I probably have never talked with a woman in the world of today where I live who is as convincing, creative like the author I was reading. But you see.. I guess most people these days don’t read or even write. Even I waste most of my time watching rubbish movies and videos than to explore my mind through reading or writing. It seems to me that all the advent of science and technology are making ourselves duller and duller, less of a human of some sort. We are losing more than we are supposed to gain as a human being. We are experiencing way less than our mind can truly conceive.

You: May be you are right.

I: I was also thinking that the society that we live in today doesn’t really have an incentive system for doing good deeds. We have clear incentive to be successful, to be dominant, but do we really have incentive to be just good persons? I guess it’s hard to establish such. Even though I have bad relationship with religion, I guess religion tried to exactly that- forcing people to do good with the fear of hell and God- that apparently doesn’t work. But in a world of today, does anyone want to be a good person anymore? What does it even mean by goodness?

You: These are hard questions. I wish I had answers. May be nobody has.

 

You and I – 1 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/you-and-i/

You and I – 2 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/27/you-and-i-2/ 

You and I – 3: https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/29/you-and-i-3/ 

You and I – 3

You and I – 1 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/you-and-i/

You and I – 2 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/27/you-and-i-2/ 

I: Have you ever lied to me?

You: I think so. But I think some lies might have been necessary.

I: Maybe. But when I know I was lied to, I feel differently towards those words I were told.

You: Well, feelings are weird creatures within. Aren’t they? How much do you think you understand how you feel. Rationale, on the other hand, gives you a way of reviewing them. If you see the utility of those lies, you might forgive me. Not that I care.

I: So, you are saying I needed to be in the delusion that very moment. Because you presupposed that I can’t handle the truth. That’s too much of an arrogance I would say.

You: You caught the asshole. But again I did it for what I felt right to do at that moment.

I: Well, acknowledge that you may have done a big mistake with your rational thoughts, your bag of ill-conceived ideas of me and my abilities.

You: I will have to think. Just calm down.

I: Okay. How do you stop craving something?

You: Depends on what you crave I guess. What do you crave?

I: I crave to recreate one memory. It’s this one time – I was with the girl I loved. It was in her apartment. She just came on top of me. I undressed her on the top and I kissed her breasts and she was holding my head. She was full of pleasure but she was calm like she was wanting it more and more. I have been with other girls after that, even probably tried to recreate with my feelings of guilt. But I no longer could, I never could feel the same way. I felt like I need her to recreate it, but I know it’s not possible. Maybe even with her. It’s probably will never be possible again. But I can’t stop craving. And every time I fail to recreate, I feel miserable.

You: It’s a memory you hold very dear to yourself. You know that you can’t recreate it so you will have to compartmentalize it. Somehow.. you will have to do it. Cravings are good. Just don’t let them kill you. You have seen the movie inception, right? Leonardo De Caprio’s wife Mal haunts him in his dreams. She is in his subconscious and he gets back to her through the elevator where she resides. Maybe because he can’t forgive himself. Nor is he willing to let the memories evaporate. He confines her, thus he gets himself confined even more ruthlessly. Do you think you might be doing the same?

I: Not intentionally as far as I can say. I started to realize that my desires are my enemies.

You: Because you can’t befriend them for some reasons. But that’s dreadful. You will have to be friends with them.

I: I see the futility in the harmony that you are asking me to have. Maybe I love chaos. Maybe that’s where I thrive.

You: It’s a choice ultimately. That’s just what I want you to know.

(to be continued ..)

You and I – 2

You and I – 1 : https://experienceandembrace.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/you-and-i/

I: It’s snowing outside.

You: Yeah, it’s beautiful how everything is covered.

I: What do you think about “Deja Vu”?

You: Like you feel that it happened before?

I: Yeah, it’s been happening to me quite a lot. And it makes me feel bored.

You: But, does that matter though? What’s wrong with experiencing it again? Is the desire to constantly be in a new situation the best for our psyche?

I: I don’t know. That’s what everybody is up to. Isn’t it? New is exciting- they say.

You: That’s the problem I think. If you can’t perceive every moment as new, rather always perceive it as a reincarnated old, then you are just living inside your mind too much, circling and ultimately destined to diminish into a point of meaninglessness.

I: You are right. Every moment is a new one. It’s a perception issue, but the issue is real. The boredom is inevitably there to drown.

You: Well, then you recognized it.

I: But it doesn’t help though.

You: Maybe it will. Hope is necessary.

I: You want to play with snow?

You: Sure. As you know, you will really be playing with yourself.

I: I have seen some beautiful pictures of places. I really want to go visit them when I can.

You: Nice. What kind?

I: Mostly beautiful natural places. Most of the time there are some beautiful people waving or walking or doing something. It’s just refreshing to see. I guess it will be great to be there for real breathing the air near the ocean, over the mountain, through the valley, highways.

You: Yeah, escaping creates the euphoria. Maybe for good.

I: I know.

You: You remember that you wanted to know about love?

I: Yes. What about it?

You: Do you think there’s an ocean of love or a sky of love?

I: I will choose air over water. Just a preference. I don’t know how to swim.

You: You don’t know how to fly either. At least you can learn to swim.

I: You see, you are too pragmatic. In my imagination, I want to fly. I don’t crave to dive into the water.

You: Right you are! You want things that you can not have. Just saying..

I: Good. Now I am pissed.

You: Haha. Like you always are.

(to be continued ..)