You & I – 6 (Silverlining)

I: I want to talk to you.

You: Why don’t you?

I: Because after all those, I feel scared of feeling in a certain way which drags me down everytime. You know how I can say many harsh things.

You: Yes, you are ruthless.

I: So, I also don’t want to say something irrational again to shock you more.

You: Good that you care.

I: I know that we all have our own problems in our present and adding more to that and feeling stressed are probably we both can not afford.

You: Then why do you complicate things time after time?

I: Deep down, I still have deep emotion for you, and the many trauma I went through and risked myself with were and are pretty self destructive that I feel like I rather keep them in my safe box.  But still I am the one who ends up saying more on my own terms as I am probably always bad at listening.

You: God, I wish you could listen more.

I: Anyway, I miss you everytime anything resonates with me to realize how deeply I loved and cared about you, even though our expressions are very different.    

You: I miss you too.

I: I was watching this movie “The mountain between us” – it’s about these one male and female who get stuck after a plane crush and eventually survive. He was married and she was about to get married the next day after that plane crash. But they get closer while fighting for their survival. Eventually they came out of the situation falling in love with each other, but still when they came back to the real world from the wild, they could not just get together because they each had their past baggage to carry on, but eventually they get together again, because they truly had love for each other.. or may be the movie just wanted to produce a good ending. And may be, in real life, it’s way more tragic.

You: I understand.

I: I truly see my love story, the way we met, the way we conquered many obstacles, the way I blindly trusted you and the way we demised as the greatest tragedy of my life, even if no one cares.

You: May be you don’t need to see everything so negatively.

I: When I talked to my therapist who in a way saved me from wrecking myself, I described my state like a torn down island after a Tsunami, but I recognized that I have to rebuild again and I probably kind of did succeed in that, but definitely I did not feel at that moment that I will regain my courage to continue as I felt so little.   

You: But we need to learn from the past eventually. And I want to have you as a friend again.

I: YEAH! I want to be your friend, I want to be in a place of strength where your thoughts and you no longer hurt me anymore, rather I can take you as one of the best friends who know certain parts of me more than anyone else.

You: I’d love that. I miss talking to you too.

I: I am pretty sure we are both quite different persons than who we were, may be in many ways unrecognizable. How do you truly feel about me when you think about me or us? Do you think you know me?

You: There’s many things that probably also didn’t change though. But I also think I could revert many things and not hurt you.

I: I know that I could not make you feel the way one wants to feel when one is in love and rather our love turned into boring chores and less exciting day by day and eventually it had to experience the death.

You: I agree.

I: May be, I took many things for granted that I shouldn’t have and I have beaten myself for many years to find answers to what else I could have done. I have spent hours after hours feeling sad, and may be I still can not see the way you see and can move on just saying that it’s the past we can learn from, because those hours of clouds and grief and depression will always have a reach at me.

You: But you need to realize that it wasn’t very easy for me either.

I: It’s me who felt betrayed, even if I didn’t necessarily need to feel that way. 

You: What can I say more as I apologized many times for making things worse..?

I: Yeah, I or we just can not change the past. I also wish I could revert many things, I also want to say sorry for saying many things that’s not true, for doing many things that only pushed each other away, even though I also only intended otherwise, only wanted to bond more. We can only learn from the past, but I’m truly afraid whether I will ever be able to bring anyone as close as I brought you inside my heart.

You: I know that.

I: It just breaks my heart when I think about how our love expired. But there’s definitely thousand things I have to be grateful for the experiences we had. And the things I learnt from our relationship. 

You: True.

I: Like now, I’m lying down writing and thinking – We will just stay in two corners of the world knowing that we once loved each other.

You: If you feel like, we can talk about our memories which are valuable to both of us.

I: I even feel like if I could sit in front of you, I just won’t have to say a single word.

You: Yeah.

I: That itself is meaningful. I truly think love is not easy to find and we were lucky to have it when we were young.

You: I feel the same way.

I: I hope I can find love again and I wish the same for you, because love is beautiful and worth living for. Thank you for the beautiful moments of your life that you shared with me. I truly wanted to have it more, but may be it was just not meant to be. 

I miss you

I miss you. But there’s a part of my mind fights back saying “Why should I?” But I genuinely miss you. I miss those afternoons when I would go walk through the aisles of the grocery stores and you telling me the things to put in the shopping carts. I miss those mornings going out running leaving you in bed and thinking that you will be waiting for me and fantasizing about some sweaty sexy moments. I miss driving miles after miles feeling exhausted in one end, but feeling exalted with the thought that someone is cooking for me. I miss walking down the streets after watching shows in some theater halls.  I miss getting annoyed by you when you would make me walk through all the stores in the shopping mall. I miss staying up late all night watching silly stuff. I miss writing poetry for you. I miss you planning for our trips. I miss you being mad at me. I miss waking up and seeing your face. I miss ruminating your smile. I miss planning for our future. I feel sad that nothing of us except the memories really exist. But as you said life is and should be like this.. for long I just wanted to hold onto. As they say life is like being a shore and experiencing the sunny and stormy days. I wish I could get back my sunny insignificant days. But I feel tormented when I realize I can not go back in time. I hope to have some in future but I feel exhausted because nothing feels like as it used to. But I still hope that I will probably wake up feeling new again and can forgive and can remain calm and poised forever thereafter.

I miss you. I feel to talk to you. But I know I should not complicate more. I know I can not build up expectations anymore. I went through those stages of denial, anger, bargain. I am still in the stage of depression that feels like forever. I want to believe that I accepted what felt to be betrayal. I know I can not explain you why it couldn’t be easier. I know I messed up, I know it’s probably me who wasn’t enough. It was unbelievably unfathomable to not want you the way I used to. I know why you had to leave, I know why I had to stay away. In many ways, that’s probably what should have happened with the things that we started to want from our lives. I am happy that you now have so many experiences that may be you would never have otherwise. But it hurts to think that I would never be able to know how it would feel like if we were still waking up together. I accept that every end is a new beginning, but the heart still hurts to accept the end that was never desirable. But it ended. But I do really miss you. There are many questions you will never be able to answer me honestly, because you will have to protect yourself, justify yourself. And I understand that and may be same go with me too. But I hope that we can both be happy in our separate paths.

Where do you get your protein?

Where do you get your protein as a vegan/vegeterian if you are not eating meat? The most common question I get, even from my BS, BEng, PhD, MD and MBA friends who have studied books after books their entire life and knows how to google the most rare information out of internet..!!
 
Answer: We get protein from the best natural source, actually we get the protein where the cows and chickens get their protein from.
 
This is how it goes.. the flow of protein to your body.
 
Cows, chickens eat grains etc. —> Protein converts into amino acid –> Muscles are built from the amino acid in the body of the cow, chicken etc. —> You murder yourself in the name of God or whatsoever or be part of the cruel process starting from the butchershop/farms to the grocery store to acquire meat etc..!! —> You then cook and eat cow, chicken etc. or buy food in the restaurant —> You get protein.
 
Feel glad that it took these many years to know how you get your muscles and muscular energy!!!!>>>>?????
 
“In a cow’s diet, protein comes from crops like soybeans and the seed of cotton plants..”
 
Conclusion: You eat meat because you like to eat meat, you have been indoctrinated, addicted to meat. It’s deeply cultural, it’s deeply inside our habits and rituals. And it’s very hard to unhook yourself. May be you also don’t know much about nutrition. However, most vegans/vegeterians are vegans not because they care about their own health, they care not to kill something that contains life and can have an eye contact with you and feel fear and cry in pain. Yes, you are selfish when you eat meat, because you think you are at the top of the food chain, because you compare yourself with a lion or a tiger who would kill you if they would get you in the wild and so many other vague arguments without acknowledging that you are evolved to be a rational, moral human being who can criticize his or her own action if necessary. May be you haven’t thought about your own cruelty towards living beings, just like the war mongers don’t actively think about the suffering of hundreds of human beings when they shoot a bomb or launch a missile, but you are part of it everyday, but you don’t have to be. So, yes, human being are cruel, there’s a fight for dominance, you need to be strong and strong survives, but I hope we can change the world from such a scary hierarchical society to a much more co-operative society where love and compassion are harnessed. So, we are talking about change here, we are thinking about moral and ethical evolution as vegans. It’s not just about stop eating meat and end of story. Sorry, many vegans also don’t understand and vouch many non-convincing reasons. Also, importantly, just being a vegan doesn’t automatically make you a better human being, you can be shittiest person in many things that matter and you should be thinking of.
 
Anyway, You can live healthy, happy and as energetic, as mascular by not being part of killing an animal. You also don’t have to bring God again to justify your superiority.. And I do understand how much you love the taste of meat, I hope we will have to wait another 10 years to get cultured artificial meat, so that you can be satisfied.
Is cell-cultured meat ready for the mainstream?
 
What’s the function of carbohydrate, protein and fat really?
Carbs: Broken down into glucose, used to supply energy to cells. Extra is stored in the liver.
 
Protein: Broken down into amino acids, used to build muscle and to make other proteins that are essential for the body to function.
 
Fat: Broken down into fatty acids to make cell linings and hormones. Extra is stored in fat cells
 
Vitamin: Veggies etc.
 
Yes, someday, vegan food makes me feel tired. Because we consume less calory in general, which keeps our weight checked. But it mostly happens, when I am not planning my meals/foods properly, or eating unhealthy. You can eat unhealthy either as a vegan or meat-eater. I can just live on potato chips and stay vegan which is in no way healthy, just like someone can eat McDonalds burger and fast food and grizzy meat everyday. So, being vegan also forces you to think about your meal and nutrition in it.
 
It’s not radical to not kill something that feels pain. You must have to be radical to believe that vegans/vegetarians are radicals to express their concern towards our immoral acts for centuries, towards our indirect or direct cruelty possibly three times a day. We understand that forcing morality onto someone, making someone do something forcibly is also moral. So, we try to speak up with the hope that you will probably understand and one day will take that step to do the right thing and we will progress one inch to a world where there’s one more compassionate human being.
 
How to build muscles on vegan diet:
 
And yes, I am using strong words, to make you think ;), as the rap God Eminem said,
“People will hate you for speaking the truth, but you’ve gotta learn to stand up to them, so don’t be offended if I say something you don’t like.”
 
Read more:
 

No need

A tribute to this beautiful Bengali song “No need (দরকার নাই)” by NXL expressing stuffs that matter.

“No need (দরকার নাই)”
———————————————————————————-
গোল এই গ্রহটার একি হাল
(gol ei grohotar eki hal)
What a disaster in this round planet
জগাখিচুড়িরর চাল
(jogakhichurir chal)
What a nasty hodgepodge
ময়লা মেঘের পাল
(moyla megher pal)
A bunch of dirty clouds
শুকনো সময় ডাল
(shukno somoy dal)
Some dried-up time of ours
গোল এই গ্রহটার একি হাল
(gol ei grohotar eki hal)
What a disaster in this round planet
জগাখিচুড়িরর চাল
(jogakhichurir chal)
What a nasty hodgepodge
ময়লা মেঘের পাল
(moyla megher pal)
A bunch of dirty clouds
শুকনো সময় ডাল
(shukno somoy dal)
Some dried-up time of ours
নদী নালা খাল বিল
(nodi nala khal bil)
Rivers and canals
বিষে ভরা বান্ডিল
(bishe vora bandil)
Bundles of poison
উড়ছে অবাক চিল
(urche obak chil)
Surprised hawks flying
শূণ্য মাছের ঝিল
(shunno macher jhil)
Lakes empty of fish
লাগবে না তোর ইকোসিস্টেম
(lagbe na tor ecosystem)
No need of any ecosystem
নষ্ট করবো আরও দাও যত ব্লেইম
(noshto korbo aro dao joto blame)
Destory it more and more, don’t blame
আমার দরকার নাই তোর প্রকৃতির দান
(amar dorkar nai tor prokritir dan)
I don’t need any gift from nature
আমার ফরমালিন আছে নাই সম্মান
(amar formalin ache, nai shomman)
I have my formalins, no respect whatsoever
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
নাগরিক হৈ চৈ রৈ রৈ
(nagorik hoi choi roi roi)
Citizens outcrying
টাকা সব গেল কই
(taka sob gelo koi)
Where is all the money?
কালো বেড়ালের পেটে
(kalo beraler pete)
Inside the stomach of the black cat?
খৈ ফাটে টৈ টৈ
(khoi fate toi toi)
Bullshit and bullshit
হরতালে টুকিটাকি
(hortale tukitaki)
Strikes and some outcome
ককটেল ফাটাফাটি
(koktel fatafati)
Cocktail bomb blasting
গনতন্ত্রের নামে হিংস্র রাজনীতি
(gonotontrer name hingsro rajniti)
Cruel politics in the name of democracy
লাগবে না তোর নেতারূপী চোর
(lagbe na tor netarupi chor)
No need of any thief in the disguise of politician
স্বপ্ন দেখানো সব ঘুম ভাঙ্গা ভোর
(shopno dekhano sob ghum vanga vor)
Broken up of all those sleeps/hopes after dreams in the dawn
আমার দরকার নাই তোর মানবতাবোধ
(amar dorkar nai tor manobotabodh)
I don’t need any humanity
বা খুনিদের বাঁচাতে ধার্মিক ক্রোধ
(ba khunider bachate dharmik krodh)
I don’t need religious hatred to save the murderers
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
নাউ সস্তা কলরেটের নিশাচর লাভ
(nao shosta call rate er nishachor lav)
Cheap callrate, cheap nocturnal(illegal) profit
বাট রাত পোহালেই শিট পুরোটাই ব্লাফ হেই
(but rat pohalei shit purotai bluff hey)
Full of bluffs when the night is over
নাউ সস্তা কলরেটের নিশাচর লাভ
(nao shosta call rate er nishachor lav)
Cheap callrate, cheap nocturnal(illegal) profit
বাট রাত পোহালেই শিট পুরোটাই ব্লাফ
(but rat pohalei shit purotai bluff hey)
Full of bluffs when the night is over
দেখো একজোড়া জুলিয়েট তিন জোড়া রোমিও
(dekho ekjora juliet tin jora Romio)
Look, there’s a pair of Juliets and three pairs of Romio
হিসাব করিয়া নিয়া সকলেই থামিও
(hishab koriya niya shokolei thamio)
All of you! Calculate and then stop
লাগবেনা তোর সেই পুরাতন প্রেম
(lagbena tor sei puraton prem)
No need of those forgone romance
যেথা দুজনে মিলে বাঁধতো জীবনের ফ্রেম
(jetha dujone mile bandhto jiboner frame)
Where both of you would create a frame of life
আমার দরকার নাই
(amar dorkar nai)
I don’t need
আমার দরকার নাই তোর ভালবাসা
(amar dorkar nai tor valobasha)
I don’t need your love
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai amar)
No need, no need of mine
কাঁটাতারে তারে খণ্ড মাটি নিয়ে দ্বন্দ্ব
(katatare tare khondo mati niye dondo)
Division with those thorny fences and fights for boundaries of lands
উদার ধরণী তলে রক্তের গন্ধ
(udar dhoroni tole rokter gondho)
Smell the blood beneath this fertile soil
কাঁটাতারে তারে খণ্ড মাটি নিয়ে দ্বন্দ্ব
(katatare tare khondo mati niye dondo)
Division with those thorny fences and fights for boundaries of lands
উদার ধরণী তলে রক্তের গন্ধ
(udar dhoroni tole rokter gondho)
Smell the blood beneath this fertile soil
অন্যায় অবিচার ধর্ষন ব্যভিচার
(onnay obichar dhorshon bavichar)
Crime, Injustice, Rape, Adultery
বিবেক টা লকারে তালা মারা অধিকার
(bibek ta lokare tala mara odhikar)
Put your conscience in the locker and also your rights
লাগবেনা যুক্তি বা শান্তি চুক্তি
(lagbe na jukti ba shanti chukti)
No need of either logic or peace treaty
মানুষ মরুক মানুষ মরুক
(manush moruk, manush moruk)
Let the people die, let the people die
আমার মৃত্যুই মুক্তি
(amar mrittui mukti)
Death is my only freedom
আমি কি করবো জোনাকির আলোয়
(ami ki korbo jonakir aloy)
What am I gonna do in the light of those fireflies
এই আঁধারে?
(ei andhare)
In this darkness?
ক্ষীণ আলোর এ আশা আমার লাগবে না
(khino alor e asha amar lagbe na)
This fading hope of light – I don’t need at all
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai)
No need, no need of mine
আমার দরকার নাই আমার দরকার নাই আমার।
(amar dorkar nai, amar dorkar nai)
No need, no need of mine
আমার দরকার নাই
(amar dorkar nai)
I don’t need
আমার দরকার নাই
(amar dorkar nai)
I don’t need
আমার দরকার নাই।।
(amar dorkar nai)
I don’t need
Youtube:
Spotify:

I was in Love

I am little heart broken last two days. And I guess like many of you, I go back to those songs we can relate. I was watching the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”. It was enjoyable to watch, but at the same time I despised it as I read the book first. One line I love from the book that I loved seeing two characters play on the screen though. It goes like this ““Sometimes to lose balance for love, is part of living a balanced life.””

I have been trying to be productive in the morning. But then got hooked with this Japanese song.

Kagerou by One OK Rock. Yay! I can still read Kanjis… 🙂

君を思う気持ちはカゲロウ, 伝えられず僕は漂う..
(kimi wo omou kimochi wa KAGEROU, tsutaerarezu boku wa tadayou…)
I will float/scatter my feelings when I remember you, instead of telling
ふと気づくと僕はここに立っていた
(futo kidzuku to boku wa koko ni tatteita)
When realization hit me suddenly, I was standing here
抱くはずのない気持ちを片手に
(idaku hazu no nai kimochi wo katate ni)
Feelings, I had no intention of embracing, was in my one hand
巻き戻してみたらこの思いは見えるかな
(makimodoshite mitara kono omoi wa mieru kana?)
Could I see my affection if I tried to rewind?
早送りしたらこの感情は残るのかな
(hayaokuri shitara kono kanjou wa nokoru no kana?)
I wonder if it’ll stay if I fast-forwarded
そんなワケないって笑ってみるけど
(sonna WAKE nai tte waratte miru kedo)
“Yeah, right,” I try to say with a laugh
その笑いすらもう不自然で
(sono warai sura mou fushizen de)
But even my smile looked artificial/fake
君を思う気持ちはカゲロウ
(kimi wo omou kimochi wa KAGEROU)
My feelings for you sparkle in my thoughts
まだ自分に素直になれない
(mada jibun ni sunao ni narenai)
I can’t be honest with myself yet
本当はもう気付いているのに
(hontou wa mou kidzuiteiru no ni)
Even though I’ve realized the truth
ただ言葉にできない自分がうずいているの!
(tada kotoba ni dekinai jibun ga uzuiteiru no!)
The tingling sensation in myself that can’t still express my feelings in words
意識すればするほど遠のいていく
(ishiki sureba suru hodo toonoiteiku)
I’ll fade away if I’m too aware
それが淋しいのは何でだろう?
(sore ga sabishii no wa nande darou?)
Why does that seem so lonely?
別にって態度で話流したり
(betsu ni tte taido de hanashi nagashitari)
Why do my words spilling out with a “whatever” attitude
いつもより何故か冷たくして…
(itsumo yori nazeka tsumetaku shite…)
Make them colder than usual?
君を思う気持ちはカゲロウ
(kimi wo omou kimochi wa KAGEROU)
My feelings for you float in my thoughts
まだ自分に素直になれない
(mada jibun ni sunao ni narenai)
I can’t be honest with myself yet
本当はもう気付いているのに
(hontou wa mou kidzuiteiru no ni)
Even though I’ve realized the truth
ただ言葉にできない自分がいるだけなの
(tada kotoba ni dekinai jibun ga iru dake na no!)
I’m still just here with the words I can’t get out
何気ない仕草でも目だけは君だけを追っていた
(nanigenai shigusa demo me dake wa kimi dake wo otteita)
Maybe I was nonchalant, but you’re the only one my eyes were chasing
なんて考えた時はもう好きだった 君と会うと決めた日は
どれだけ自分を隠しただろう?
(nante kangaeta toki wa mou suki datta kimi to au to kimeta hi wa dore dake jibun wo kakushita darou?
When I think about the day we met when you still liked me, how much did you hide yourself?)
嫌われるのが恐くてって考えた時には愛してた
(kirawareru no ga kowakute… tte kangaeta toki ni wa aishiteta)
When I thought how much I was scared of being hated, I knew I was in love
愛してた
I was in love
愛してた
I was in love

Source: https://sites.google.com/site/takasrock/kagerou

#NowPlaying
https://open.spotify.com/album/5vG1nA5IR7bIv9mfhjGKNd…