You & I – 6 (Silverlining)

I: I want to talk to you.

You: Why don’t you?

I: Because after all those, I feel scared of feeling in a certain way which drags me down everytime. You know how I can say many harsh things.

You: Yes, you are ruthless.

I: So, I also don’t want to say something irrational again to shock you more.

You: Good that you care.

I: I know that we all have our own problems in our present and adding more to that and feeling stressed are probably we both can not afford.

You: Then why do you complicate things time after time?

I: Deep down, I still have deep emotion for you, and the many trauma I went through and risked myself with were and are pretty self destructive that I feel like I rather keep them in my safe box.  But still I am the one who ends up saying more on my own terms as I am probably always bad at listening.

You: God, I wish you could listen more.

I: Anyway, I miss you everytime anything resonates with me to realize how deeply I loved and cared about you, even though our expressions are very different.    

You: I miss you too.

I: I was watching this movie “The mountain between us” – it’s about these one male and female who get stuck after a plane crush and eventually survive. He was married and she was about to get married the next day after that plane crash. But they get closer while fighting for their survival. Eventually they came out of the situation falling in love with each other, but still when they came back to the real world from the wild, they could not just get together because they each had their past baggage to carry on, but eventually they get together again, because they truly had love for each other.. or may be the movie just wanted to produce a good ending. And may be, in real life, it’s way more tragic.

You: I understand.

I: I truly see my love story, the way we met, the way we conquered many obstacles, the way I blindly trusted you and the way we demised as the greatest tragedy of my life, even if no one cares.

You: May be you don’t need to see everything so negatively.

I: When I talked to my therapist who in a way saved me from wrecking myself, I described my state like a torn down island after a Tsunami, but I recognized that I have to rebuild again and I probably kind of did succeed in that, but definitely I did not feel at that moment that I will regain my courage to continue as I felt so little.   

You: But we need to learn from the past eventually. And I want to have you as a friend again.

I: YEAH! I want to be your friend, I want to be in a place of strength where your thoughts and you no longer hurt me anymore, rather I can take you as one of the best friends who know certain parts of me more than anyone else.

You: I’d love that. I miss talking to you too.

I: I am pretty sure we are both quite different persons than who we were, may be in many ways unrecognizable. How do you truly feel about me when you think about me or us? Do you think you know me?

You: There’s many things that probably also didn’t change though. But I also think I could revert many things and not hurt you.

I: I know that I could not make you feel the way one wants to feel when one is in love and rather our love turned into boring chores and less exciting day by day and eventually it had to experience the death.

You: I agree.

I: May be, I took many things for granted that I shouldn’t have and I have beaten myself for many years to find answers to what else I could have done. I have spent hours after hours feeling sad, and may be I still can not see the way you see and can move on just saying that it’s the past we can learn from, because those hours of clouds and grief and depression will always have a reach at me.

You: But you need to realize that it wasn’t very easy for me either.

I: It’s me who felt betrayed, even if I didn’t necessarily need to feel that way. 

You: What can I say more as I apologized many times for making things worse..?

I: Yeah, I or we just can not change the past. I also wish I could revert many things, I also want to say sorry for saying many things that’s not true, for doing many things that only pushed each other away, even though I also only intended otherwise, only wanted to bond more. We can only learn from the past, but I’m truly afraid whether I will ever be able to bring anyone as close as I brought you inside my heart.

You: I know that.

I: It just breaks my heart when I think about how our love expired. But there’s definitely thousand things I have to be grateful for the experiences we had. And the things I learnt from our relationship. 

You: True.

I: Like now, I’m lying down writing and thinking – We will just stay in two corners of the world knowing that we once loved each other.

You: If you feel like, we can talk about our memories which are valuable to both of us.

I: I even feel like if I could sit in front of you, I just won’t have to say a single word.

You: Yeah.

I: That itself is meaningful. I truly think love is not easy to find and we were lucky to have it when we were young.

You: I feel the same way.

I: I hope I can find love again and I wish the same for you, because love is beautiful and worth living for. Thank you for the beautiful moments of your life that you shared with me. I truly wanted to have it more, but may be it was just not meant to be. 

There’s a way she looks you can’t ignore

I met a girl not so long ago. I still remember the first time she talked to me with full of enthusiasm. And then the few moments I was with her, she curved a deep impression on me.

—————————-********************————————————————

If it were only possible to know this mystery

It’s like there’s an entire universe she hid behind her eyes.

She resembles a living figure of some ancient Greek goddess,

Who just woke up and stepped her foot outside of the canvas of a large painting.

Then she talks about love like she truly craves it.

She wants to explore and probably can find you if you ever get lost.

She does not fake how much she knows against all the things she doesn’t,

As she is not scared of the unknowns.

There’s many curtains she doesn’t mind to open

As she waits to see the butterflies on the other side.

She appears vulnerable but brave

And it’s hard to define that mix.

She smiles not so often, but when she does

It’s like an entire box of joy she unearths.

She looks at you like she genuinely wants to know you.

But there’s also a waterfall of complex emotions she carries beneath her gaze.

May be she doesn’t know that she can calm the world with her stream

That starts from that waterfall and ends into a wide river.

And I’m sure that all lovers of her will love to swim in that river.

But there will still remain a bound of how much you can know,

Because there’s no end to the depth behind those eyes, the space where she flies.

Only you will need her to guide you.

Cyclone Amphan devastates Bangladesh and India

Screen Shot 2020-05-22 at 11.44.41 AM

Nature doesn’t show any mercy, as if Corona virus was not enough! And it takes away home and food from those who were already about to go homeless and starved. 😦

When scientists talk about climate change, this is what they mean, the sea level is rising which makes low lying areas like my country Bangladesh very vulnerable as the devastation of storms and other natural disasters will affect manyfold, much harder. Just praying and donating few dollars to charity are not gonna convince God to show mercy if we continue disrupting nature. We need to reduce the use of fossil fuels in many ways and protect our environments through government policies and follow the guidelines climate scientists propose. We also need many non-government initiatives too.
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asia/climate-change-supercharging-extreme-events-12753090

“In Bangladesh, hundreds of villages are underwater and about 1 million people don’t have electricity anymore. And in the southwestern district of Bagerhat, about 500 fish farms were flooded.”

#disaster

Backpacking and earning a living online

I meet many friends who don’t know how to earn online. So, I thought to make a convenient list or give some general ideas.

I meet many friends who don’t know how to earn online. So, I thought to make a list.

Sometimes making a living or earning online while traveling is just about knowing where to look for information or growing opportunity. Also you need to grow your own reliable network so that you eventually have a stream of job options. It’s not easy, it’s pretty challenging but it can be adventurous.

Sometimes just having a laptop or even a smart phone and some dedicated time with your awesome brain, it’s possible to earn money. Initially it’s difficult, because you need to build a portfolio so that you can convince people that you will be able to provide quality service. It can be frustrating, but also rewarding.

These jobs are typically not stable careers, but if you are resilient enough, you can make decent living. Also, some people travel to Asia or places where it is not expensive and you can easily or comfortably get through by earning few dollars a day.

Some example jobs:
a) Teaching english or other language over skype or other web conferencing program
https://www.dailywritingtips.com/make-money-teaching-engli…/

b) Translation
https://speakt.com/translators/
https://unbabel.com/translators/

c) Data labeling on Amazon mechanical turk https://www.mturk.com/

g) Graphics design, designing T-shirts (http://redbubble.com), stickers etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idyuIF1PYvI

h) Dog walking, baby sitting what not..check http://craiglist.com basically doing something for someone else when the job provider don’t have time but you have time. etc.

i) Uber also falls into this category.
http://uber.com

j) For housewives who have babies and can’t afford to go outside
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95W399Vv0bc

k) Being a photographer, model, youtuber, blogger, vlogger and earning through ad reveneue.

i) Delivering packages (http://roadie.com)

j) Earn with crypto websites. Basically earn tokens that can be exchangeable with dollars.
Blog on http://hive.com/blog and earn steem
Vlog on d.tube and earn DTC http://d.tube
Change from Chrome/Mozilla to Brave browser and earn BAT token.
There are also job platforms where you can search by category. Typically you create your portfolio here, get recommendations from people you worked with.

1. http://upwork.com
2. http://guru.com
3. http://toptal.com
Some others: https://www.hostinger.com/tutorials/best-freelance-websites

Some others videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BInTtIWb6C4

Even craiglist.

Find some more in this quora post:
https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-earn-money-online-or-have-a…
https://www.hostinger.com/tutorials/best-freelance-websites

Read make money traveling for more options:
https://www.claimcompass.eu/blog/make-money-traveling/

Everything is on the internet. You just need to be patient and dedicated, and figure out what you like to do.

Good luck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgVir2SKuw0

Read the backpacker’s tale
http://abackpackerstale.com

#travel #earnonlinefemale-typing-on-computer